Category Archives: Lifestyle

A Guide to Halloween

Another Halloween has come and gone. There were quite some cool and creative costumes this year. The popular new one I saw was the one with couples where the guy was the Instagram with no filter and the girl was Instagram with the filter. Of course with the popularity of Black Panther this year, I saw some T’Challas and Killmongers. I even saw some costumes that paid homage to popular memes from this year (ie little Cardi B and the lady bent over squinting). There were many good costumes this year, however, some people apparently still don’t understand what’s offensive and what isn’t in the year 2018.

Veteran journalist Megyn Kelly stated she did not see what was so offensive about wearing blackface. She stated that it was done in her neighborhood she grew up in and did not see the big deal. Guess she never heard of minstrel shows and blackface done in cinema during the 1940s and 50s. She doubled down by saying if someone white wants to dress as Diana Ross, they should be able to. The problem isn’t dressing as Diana, it’s putting on blackface to do so. Every year, I see tons of women dressed as Marilyn Monroe from the Seven Year Itch, and they aren’t white women all the time. But the ones who aren’t white, are never in whiteface. Why is that I wonder? People just choose to miss the point and it became apparent for the racists that tried to come for Gabrielle Union.

For her 46th birthday, Gabrielle Union had a costume themed bash. She came dressed as Gwen Stefani during her No Doubt days. It was very cute, but the racists were not happy. They were calling for double standards as to why it was okay for Gabrielle and not for Megyn. The difference is that Gabrielle did not wear whiteface and say that it was okay to wear whiteface. Fans immediately came to Gabrielle’s defense and were not going for it. People on social media talking junk is one thing, but teachers playfully wearing inappropriate costumes actually was a thing.

In Idaho, some elementary school teachers thought it was okay to dress up in patriotic gear behind a wall, presumably a border wall that read Make America Great Again. As if that wasn’t bad enough, other teachers dressed up in sombreros, ponchos, and dark mustaches. So between all these adults, educators at that, no one thought, you know what, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Once wind of this was made, the superintendent extensively apologized for the offensive costumes. My question is still how in 2018, people still think stuff like this is okay? If you aren’t certain about what to wear for Halloween here are a few tips.

The first one that’s a no brainier is don’t wear blackface. It was never acceptable and never will be acceptable. And the way stuff is set up, you may get yo ass kicked. The second is don’t depict any culture in a stereotypical way. We all know what stereotypes are, and if you don’t, then Google it. The third is to remember Halloween is supposed to be about having fun. There should be nothing malicious or intentional. Lastly, when in doubt, just dress up as a comic book character. Below are people who have done Halloween the right way. Hope this helps for next year.

 

Becoming Your Parents

The year was 1993.  Hearing that groovy beat come on.  Then Ice Cube’s vocals come over ‘Just waking up in the morning, gotta thank God, I don’t know, but today seems kind of odd’ (my heads know this, and can finish the rest of this song).  I clearly remember my mother stating, ‘that’s the Isley Brothers Footsteps in the Dark.  That ain’t new, he stole (her words) that.’  I really didn’t think about my new music sampling a classic hit.  I mean I kind of remember hearing my mom play that record (yes 12 inch vinyl!!) when I was a little kid.  I remember telling her, well Ice Cube was just making it his own.  He ain’t steal it.  And while I like the original, I preferred the new version to the original.  Same thing could be said of Ma$e Make Me Feel Good (sample of Kool and the Gang Hollywood Swingin) Notorious BIG Big Poppa (another Isley Brother’s sample, Between the Sheets), and Total Can’t You See (James Brown Payback), and other songs that were recorded in the 90’s but sampled from the 70’s.  I thought the “old people” were just being haters and living in the past.  I said it shows a sign of respect that new school is paying tribute and homage by sampling the old school.

Fast forward 20 years, to now.  When I heard the beat come on to Tory Lanez Say It, I thought they were playing If You Love Me, by Brownstone, until I heard a different voice.  Same thing with Zendaya and Chris Brown Something New, I thought it was TLC’s Creep.  In both situations, I was like, this ain’t Brownstone and this ain’t TLC.  Who is this?  They sampling my music now?  And then it dawned on me.  These songs were recorded over 20 years ago.  A generation by definition is 20 years.  The youngsters (oh my gosh did I really just say that?!) may or may not have been born yet.  They don’t really remember Biggie or Tupac ever being alive.  They may remember it being a big deal when they died, but not their life, kind of like me and Marvin Gaye.  So now the inevitable has occurred.  I am turning into my mom.

It’s 2017 and I listen mostly to satellite radio (The Groove, The Backspin, and Fly) which showcases music from the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and early 2000’s.  I especially love the music from my junior high years (circa 94/95) through my college years (99 taking over into the 2000’s 😉 ).When I do listen to regular radio I listen mostly to V103.  Ironically now when I listen my songs are playing.  I thought they were about to play Footsteps in the Dark (Isley Brothers), but it was Today Was a Good Day (Ice Cube?!!).  I knew then at this point, everything has come full circle.  What’s old is now new again.  Even the fashion trends are coming back (bright colored crop tops, acid washed jeans, overalls, and high top fades).  But even the fashion we rocked as new in the 90’s, my parents would say, oh we did that in high school.  Everything is recycled.  But because people are biased, everyone thinks that whatever was going on during their time of growing up is the best.  It’s also natural to think that the generation after you has it easier/better because of technological advancements.  But everything in each decade was not good.  There are highlights and lowlights, but we tend to only remember the good and not the bad.  So let’s respect each other’s generation.  Everything now isn’t ‘stolen’ and the old stuff isn’t ‘bad’.  Let’s focus on the good and enjoy it together.

Matrimony Miss

Alice and Clarence sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Alice with the baby carriage.  This rhyme was often sung about a new couple back in the day.  However given today’s market, the rhyme should be updated to say: Alice and Clarence kissing in a tree.  F-O-R-N-I-C-A-T-I-N-G.  First comes lust, then comes a baby, and if she’s lucky, he’ll marry her, maybe.  Now in no way am I saying that this a new thing that just happened in the last decade or so, but if it was happening back then, it was something that was kept hush hush.  It was not broadcast for everyone to know.  Could it be that people way back had more scruples and morals than the people of today or could it be that with today’s media that tolerance for shock is at an all time high.  So I pose to answer the question: why don’t people marry anymore.

Theory #1:

More men, especially women are more likely to become highly educated.  With the job market going the way it is now, certain positions are out of one’s reach.  To even be considered you must possess a college degree (BS/BA) just to get a foot in the door.  So definitely to become the Big Kahuna, you must have an advanced degree (MS/MA, PhD).  In this time, sure you are becoming more knowledgeable and are increasing your chances of getting a better job, but many people who take this path, that’s all they know.  They have little to no time for a social life.  And once you become comfortable, you are set in your ways.  You do not want anyone to come and mess up your groove, so in a sense you become married to your career.

 

Theory #2:

The media/pop culture does not directly dictate how to live your life, but they definitely influence it.  On talk shows everyday there are women in doubt of who their baby’s daddy is.  There are songs and videos that play on the radio and the television talking about being happy to be an unwed mother or father.  And probably the most influential are celebrities.  It is not uncommon to see celebrity couples who have a kid or two and are not married or to see a couple living together and vacationing all over the world, unmarried.  This cheapens the value of marriage and children and teens who idolize these people figure hey if so in so doesn’t want to get married then neither should I.

 

Theory #3:

When living with someone you do spend a lot of direct time with them.  So you do become comfortable with them.  Once that happens, you start to let your guard down and learn people’s pattern.  You even begin to fall into a daily routine with that person.  Those may be: paying some of the bills, buying the groceries, doing the laundry, cooking the food, etc.  If you are exchanging all the goods and services without the marriage, what is the point of getting married?  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

 

A lot has changed from the old days, but one thing that should have been kept is the value of matrimony.  Marriage culminates the highest honor in that you pledge to spend the rest of your life with that person.  That bond should not be taken lightly, however people of today just don’t value it like it once was.  Maybe we’ll see a change in the next decade or so, but I see a downward spiral for the near future.

Myths About Natural Hair

If you are reading this and have decided to go natural, congratulations and welcome to the sisterhood of naturalistas.  You have decided to let go of the need to feel incomplete without chemically altering your hair.  You have the confidence to step out without bone straight hair on your head 24/7.  If you are one of the people who feels as if straight hair validates you, this is especially for you.  Since I’ve gone natural in 2007 (10 years ago), I’ve had many reactions to my decision.  Back then, it was a small wave of people doing it, but it wasn’t nowhere near the movement it is now.  I got several opinions as to why I would want to do that.  I heard, oh you won’t be able to wear it in a professional environment, it’s just not for me, only certain textures look nice natural, you won’t ever be able to straighten your hair, and you can never wear it in a formal setting.  Well I’m here to dismiss all these myths.

Myth #1: Natural Hair Is Not Professional

Here’s my question, what exactly constitutes as professional?  My definition of professional is making sure you are representing yourself and business/company in a matter that is neat and a reflection of how you want your business/company to be perceived.  Should straight hairstyles only be categorized as this?  Absolutely not.  If hair is combed and styled neatly, then it should be called professional.  There are many styles that can be worn to fit this description.  A short crop, cornrowed styles, twist outs, wash and gos, and locs are all natural styles that can be worn in the work environment.  A little while back, there was a controversy on Google where if you search unprofessional hairstyles, all these styles were shown.  Obviously, they were all African-American women which left people very upset as this being a subtle form of racism.  A friend of mine’s sister was actually pictured as one of the women on Google.  As I do the image search now, it’s still mostly African-American women featured.  People need to get in their mind that there is more than one style for professionalism.

Myth #2: It’s Just Not For Me

I hear this often as to why people prefer not to wear their hair natural.  Some even say they just don’t like natural hair.  My response to this is so hair that you were born with, that came out of your scalp is not for you?  Huh?!  I’m not saying by no means that you have to only like your natural hairstyles, but the statement of it not being for you is pretty silly.  It’s like saying my hands aren’t for me.  When you say it like that, people realize that statements like this are pretty silly.

Myth #3: Only Certain Textures Look Nice Natural

This is where the separation of “good” hair and “bad” hair comes into play.  By now, I’m sure most people are familiar with the phrase good hair.  If not, here’s a brief summary.  Good hair is considered the desirable texture/grade of hair.  It’s the hair that is not as kinky/nappy.  It’s softer, has a looser curl pattern, and is not course.  In some people’s eyes, it’s viewed as multi-ethnic or biracial hair texture.  Back to the myth now.  As a society, we share in the blame for this.  Often times, when a model is portrayed as natural, they usually have the looser curl pattern/”good” hair.  She is shown in the magazine, on the product box/label, and on the blogs/vlogs.  This may discourage many women who don’t have that texture from wanting to go natural.  However, it is certain styles that may look better on a looser curl pattern, but there are also certain styles that look better on a tighter curl pattern.  It’s all about using the proper products (different products have different results for different hairstyles) and trial and error.  As a natural girl, you are constantly learning new and different techniques to style your hair, so don’t become discouraged.

Myth #4: You Won’t Be Able to Straighten Your Hair

This is a huge myth.  The phrase natural just means your hair is not chemically altered.  There are no products physically changing the structure of your hair permanently.  So if you blow dry and flat iron it occasionally, you are still natural.  It’s no different that the press and curl you got as a little girl for school pictures.  In most cases, if your hair is properly protected, you can straighten and then wash your hair and the curl pattern should return.  If you are constantly straightening your hair, then you may train the curl pattern to lay down.  But you have to do a lot of only straightened styles to get to that point.

Myth #5: You Can Never Wear It In A Formal Setting

There are so many natural styles that can be worn for a wedding/formal affair.  There are many braided updos that can easily be accessed on social media (Pinterest, You Tube, Natural pages on Facebook, etc.).  Here are photos from my wedding.  In this day and age, anything can be found online.

I get that everyone isn’t going to want to embrace their natural hair.  However, don’t try to discourage or be ignorant to people who do decide to be natural.  There are different strokes for different folks, so let the different ones just be that.  Cause after all, if everything was the same, it would be pretty boring.

Make Time 4 Change

As each tick of the minute hand goes, each day, then week, then month, and eventually year, you are left wondering where is all the time going.  It only seemed like you were planning your New Year’s resolution and vowing that this year is going to be your year.  But you rang in the new year, fought through the snow, and now spring is here.   Soon the leaves will bloom, summer will come and go, then fall, and you’ll be starting your new resolution, which may have been your resolution for the last 4 years.  You are in disbelief that another year is a quarter over and you haven’t made the strides that you anticipated on making.  It’s ok, because it’s easy to get wrapped up in the day to day.  You may have started a job as a stepping stone, or a means to just pay back student loans or whatever the case may be.  Blink your eyes and now you’ve been with the company 10 years.  I know this personally.

My first job ever was just a summer gig while I was home from school.  My manager liked me 🙂 so every break I had from school (winter and summer), I came back.  When I graduated, like many students, I had no job, but I was also being kicked off my dad’s insurance.  During this time, you could receive benefits until 24, but had to be a full-time student.  I graduated at 22.  I needed something with bennies (what my dad called benefits).  I went back to my summer/winter break job and time passed me by. Three years, 5 years, even 8 years went by.  I did get promoted and was eventually in a management training program where I was promoted in a management position.  I eventually left in 2013, because it just wasn’t my passion, and I was hired in a job for what I studied in school.

As I look back, it didn’t seem like that many years went by, but they did.  I came in as a 19-year-old college kid, and left out a 32-year-old woman.  I don’t regret my path, because I feel everyone does have a different path.  You can end up in the exact same spot as someone, but your way there may have been different.  I do wish I was more time conscious because I never thought it would go by that fast.  Each year I would state this is my year to do something different, but I kept putting it off.  Thinking that I would have time to get to it.  I think part of it is that it is so easy to become complacent and people have the fear of not wanting to rock the boat.  Especially when you have a comfortable lifestyle, you get by, and everything is guaranteed.  It’s easy to get caught up in that because the unknown is so scary.  The x factor.  But what if you did take a leap out and just do it.  After all, nothing ventured nothing gained, right?

The point in all of this is to give that added push/motivation that you may need to want to do something outside the box whether that be starting our own business, pursuing a career in the arts, or trading stocks.  Follow your dreams.  Orchestrate an actual plan of how you plan to fulfill your goals.  Then once that has been established, you have to commit 100%.  Be all in.  Keep punching at it every day.  Remove any negative people/situations from your life.  You don’t need that dark cloud trying to rain on your parade.  Don’t become discouraged if you don’t become an overnight success.  Rome was not built in a day, so have a little more patience.  After all, you may have given your previous job 5 or 10 years of your life, you can give your dream more than 5 minutes.  Never stop grinding.  Always be learning new ways/how to improve at your craft, cause once you’re in, now you have to ensure that you stay in.  Never, ever think it’s too late to start something.  The only time it’s too late is if you are in the ground.  So go out there and get yours.  We all have the same amount of time each day, it just depends on how you utilize it.

Coupon Life

We all remember going to the grocery store with our mother as a kid.  If you acted right, you may get to throw your favorite snack in the cart.  You remember mom looking to see what was on sale that week.  Then when you get to the checkout, mom would pull out her coupon wallet.  Twenty-five cents here, fifty cents there.  She would then checkout and you would go home and think nothing of it.  You wonder why when your mom found a coupon after she purchased an item, she would be a little upset.  She would tell you don’t throw away that box with the coupon printed on the inside.  You really didn’t understand this as a kid.  Fast forward now as an adult.  The cost of living is steadily climbing (food, rent/mortgage, gas/transportation), but the wages/income is not keeping up with it.  Many people can’t even remember the last time they may have received a raise.  If your expenses are steadily climbing, and your money just isn’t, you only have two options.  The first is to try to figure out a way to generate more income.  There are many LEGITIMATE ways to earn supplemental income.  For example: rideshare driver, survey taker, mystery shopper, aerobics instructor, and event planner just to name a few.  The other way is to reduce your expenses.  This can include ditching cable/satellite television, getting a cheaper cellphone plan, bringing lunch to work, and going out less.

A way that is starting to become a phenomenon as a way to save money is couponing.  Yes the little coupon ads that mom clipped back in the day is a way to save some serious cold hard cash on everyday items that you use.  When you first look at it, you may think it’s not worth your time, but if  you pair coupons with sale items and in store discounts/coupons, you may save 50, 70, or even 100% off your order.  I’ve walked away only paying tax on certain items.  Like with anything, there are certain guidelines and myths that have to be addressed.  I’ll start with the myths.

Myth # 1: Only women coupon.  This is by far the most ridiculous, seeing that both men and women go out to work daily and earn wages.  Saving money is not something that is only restricted to women.

Myth # 2: Only middle aged suburban housewives clip coupons.  As stated before, everyone could save extra money.  $5 here, $10 there adds up over the course of a year.  College students are even couponing.

Myth # 3: You have to spend hours and hours just to coupon.  If you’ve ever seen the show Extreme Couponing on TLC, this will lead you to believe that couponing is something that becomes a full time job.  This isn’t true.  If you focus on particular items that are needed and clip for items that you actually use, you can do it fairly quickly on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.  An hour here can save you money down the line.  Now on to the guidelines.

The first thing to remember is the store’s policy on coupons.  Each store has different policies but most have similar regulations.  With most stores, the limit of identical coupons that can be accepted in a single transaction is 4.  You can purchase more in another transaction (ie spouse or children can purchase for you or you can just do it on another day).  Internet coupons can only be used if there is a certain watermark on them.  No photocopied coupons in other words.  Multiple manufacturer coupons may not be used on the same item.  Basically no double and triple couponing.  Coupon may not exceed value of item.  This is to make it so you are paying at least the taxes on an item.  If it does get all the way down, it will be to zero in most cases, and no cash will be given back, although exceptions have happened to this rule.  Now that you have basic guidelines and have debunked some myths, here are some tips to make sure your couponing trip goes off as planned.

  1. Look at ads and see what coupons can be matched up for maximum savings. Some ads even tell you which coupons are in the Sunday paper.
  2. Buy only what you need or will use. If it’s something that you are not going to use and unless it’s free, it is of no benefit to you.
  3. Make a list of all your items you plan to shop for and at which store. This will reduce your shop time making you more effective because you won’t be in the store blindly shopping.  You can get in, purchase what you need and GET OUT!!!!
  4. Guesstimate the cost of your items (allow 10% for taxes). This way you’ll know if all your discounts have been applied.  It’s more of a hassle to leave and come back versus addressing it right there and a sales associate/manager can assist you.
  5. Have your coupons organized so you won’t miss out on any savings.

Here are actually receipts from some of my coupon successes.

  1. Colgate Toothpaste free (paid taxes only)
  2. Huggies little movers for free (paid taxes only)
  3. Lotion for free (paid taxes only) and bodywash 99 cents each
  4. Crest for free (paid taxes only)
  5.  Two Pullups for $1.00 plus getting back $5.00
  6. Mouthwash 49 cents each
  7. Deodorant for free (paid taxes only)
  8. Three packs of little movers almost for free 

Hopefully this inspires your inner couponing.  So grab those Sunday papers, print out those internet coupons and get to couponing.