Blog, Experience, Featured, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

A Guide to Halloween

Another Halloween has come and gone. There were quite some cool and creative costumes this year. The popular new one I saw was the one with couples where the guy was the Instagram with no filter and the girl was Instagram with the filter. Of course with the popularity of Black Panther this year, I saw some T’Challas and Killmongers. I even saw some costumes that paid homage to popular memes from this year (ie little Cardi B and the lady bent over squinting). There were many good costumes this year, however, some people apparently still don’t understand what’s offensive and what isn’t in the year 2018.

Veteran journalist Megyn Kelly stated she did not see what was so offensive about wearing blackface. She stated that it was done in her neighborhood she grew up in and did not see the big deal. Guess she never heard of minstrel shows and blackface done in cinema during the 1940s and 50s. She doubled down by saying if someone white wants to dress as Diana Ross, they should be able to. The problem isn’t dressing as Diana, it’s putting on blackface to do so. Every year, I see tons of women dressed as Marilyn Monroe from the Seven Year Itch, and they aren’t white women all the time. But the ones who aren’t white, are never in whiteface. Why is that I wonder? People just choose to miss the point and it became apparent for the racists that tried to come for Gabrielle Union.

For her 46th birthday, Gabrielle Union had a costume themed bash. She came dressed as Gwen Stefani during her No Doubt days. It was very cute, but the racists were not happy. They were calling for double standards as to why it was okay for Gabrielle and not for Megyn. The difference is that Gabrielle did not wear whiteface and say that it was okay to wear whiteface. Fans immediately came to Gabrielle’s defense and were not going for it. People on social media talking junk is one thing, but teachers playfully wearing inappropriate costumes actually was a thing.

In Idaho, some elementary school teachers thought it was okay to dress up in patriotic gear behind a wall, presumably a border wall that read Make America Great Again. As if that wasn’t bad enough, other teachers dressed up in sombreros, ponchos, and dark mustaches. So between all these adults, educators at that, no one thought, you know what, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Once wind of this was made, the superintendent extensively apologized for the offensive costumes. My question is still how in 2018, people still think stuff like this is okay? If you aren’t certain about what to wear for Halloween here are a few tips.

The first one that’s a no brainier is don’t wear blackface. It was never acceptable and never will be acceptable. And the way stuff is set up, you may get yo ass kicked. The second is don’t depict any culture in a stereotypical way. We all know what stereotypes are, and if you don’t, then Google it. The third is to remember Halloween is supposed to be about having fun. There should be nothing malicious or intentional. Lastly, when in doubt, just dress up as a comic book character. Below are people who have done Halloween the right way. Hope this helps for next year.

 

Blog, Experience, Featured

Another One Bites the Dust

We have seen a lot of resurgences as of recent.  We saw an X Files, Will and Grace, Dynasty, and MacGyver reboot just to name a few.  Seems like people were longing for the nostalgia of the shows that they grew up watching.  Then Roseanne was greenlighted for a reboot.  The Conner family of Lanford, IL was coming back to the silver screen and many were excited.  Roseanne in its original run always focused on real issues that affect real people, so it was only natural that the reboot would follow the same formula.  Roseanne premiered with a bang with over 18 million viewers tuning in to see what the Conners had been doing since the show ended over 20 years ago.  Since Roseanne Barr was the creator of her show, her personal beliefs were written into the show.  Roseanne Conner as well as Barr, both are Trump supporters.  That was the focus of the premiere episode as she and her sister Jackie were no longer speaking after the election.  This was all too real for some people as the relationship between friends and family may be strained due to which political candidate they voted for.  There were also topics of interracial relationships, gender fluidity, and surrogacy to name a few.  The show had real promise and potential as it was greenlighted for a second season.  People were captured by the writing and thought that the show really was a snapshot into people’s lives today.  Then Roseanne couldn’t stay off Twitter.

Roseanne Barr has always had an abrasive say what I want to personality.  She spoke her mind and was unapologetic about it.  If your feelings were hurt oh well, thicken up that skin.  She has constantly showed her support for Trump and his policies, which she does have a right to do.  She’s also tweeted bizarre conspiracy theories.  Where the shit hit the fan was what she tweeted and then later deleted about Barack Obama’s former advisor Valerie Jarrett.  The tweet stated Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj.  Now people may ask what’s so wrong with that, it’s just a joke, she’s a comedian lighten up, let me break it down to you.  Valerie Jarrett is a black woman so referring to any black person as any type of primate is extremely racially insensitive.  It’s a very long and ugly history of black people being referred to and treated as animals.  It wasn’t that long ago when Civil Rights were implemented across the board.  Hell school integration didn’t happen until the 1950s.  My mom remembers all of this so I’m only one generation removed from this.  So let’s stop saying it was a long time ago.  After she received a little backlash, she then said it was a joke.  Not cool or funny.  Then once real push back came, she gave a half assed apology and stated she was quitting twitter only to be back on the very next day.  Then she dropped the bomb.  Roseanne has been canceled by ABC.

When she tweeted about the cancellation, many people already had started posting about it because ABC had already released their statement I believe.  There were understandably mixed reviews.  Some people had the don’t let the doorknob hit you where the good lord split you mentality.  And then the other people were big mad about it.  Oh they were pissed.  They started pulling out all the stops about how they should ban to boycott ABC (good luck) and how it’s unfair that the president is a constant object of ridicule yet the people who do it are still employed.  They came after SNL, Bill Maher, and the View.  These are all shows that I only watch clips of online, so I’m not sure to what capacity they go into when they speak of Trump.  From what I have seen especially on SNL, this is stuff that he has actually said, but they just take it and add satire to it.  Once the convincing others that they were being hypocritical for laughing at one and not the other didn’t work, then her supporters went for the she apologized get over it.  This opened a whole new dialogue for the non-supporters who stated that when the NFL players kneel and have said numerous times, this is not about the flag, disrespecting the military, or the national anthem time and time again, that it is totally dismissed.  How come one concept is so hard to understand but the other one isn’t?  Then came the blame game.

As tough as nails as Roseanne is, she started to change her tune once she got canned.  Its so ironic that a lot of the hardcore supporters of the president will regurgitate his words and end up hearing his catchphrase: you’re fired.  The first people she went after were her castmates.  Sara Gilbert and Michael Fishman called her out immediately on her tweet.  In short, both her tv daughter and son said that ain’t cool.  She responded by saying thanks for throwing me under the bus.  In a bizarre twist, she then blamed Ambien for the tweet.  I guess Ambien forgot to list tweeting racist shit as a possible side effect.  Ambien didn’t take this lightly and basically said keep our name out your mouth.  She then tweeted (I thought she quit twitter though) to her fans that Wanda Sykes tweet that was sent out before ABC canceled her was the influence.  Wanda Sykes who was a producer on Roseanne announced that she would not be returning for season 2.  Roseanne felt that this may have skewed ABC’s decision.  After this final failed attempt, she then said I’m not racist just an idiot.  No my dear, you’re both.

The lesson that should be learned from this whole situation is that freedom of speech does not protect you from consequences.  People seem to only think about freedom of speech when it is in their favor, but the second it goes against what they believe, all hell breaks loose.  The funny thing about this is when it is called out, people just completely dismiss it.  They don’t even attempt to address it, or they deflect.  The cycle that is all to common when someone in entertainment posts something that is controversial is:

  1. Get defensive and say yeah, I meant every word.
  2. It’s a joke, where is your sense of humor.
  3. I didn’t mean to offend anyone.
  4. If I offended you, I’m sorry.
  5. Offer an excuse of what made them do it.

Bonus: If all else fails, claim your account got hacked.

Point is now, we are living in a very pc world now and certain stuff just ain’t gonna fly.  You can’t make certain statements about certain people, especially if the people have been hurt or killed for who they are.  The bottom line is that racism is very much still alive in 2018.  We can pretend that giving blacks civil rights, integrating schools, approving interracial marriage, affirmative action, and electing a black president has taken care of the race thing, but it hasn’t.  The only way to fully get rid of it, is to address the elephant in the room and then maybe a solution to this problem can occur.

Blog, Mommy chronicles

Single Babies

Video

 

This video shows that children are always listening to you.  I was having a conversation on the phone and I referenced the ‘Single Ladies’ song.  He ain’t put no ring on it, uh oh ohhh.  Ariana apparently liked the uh oh ohhh sound and she just kept repeating it.  When she said that, I started doing the hand and the stutter step and she tried to mimic what I was doing.  At this point, all I could do was pull out the phone and press record.

Blog, Experience, Lifestyle, Mommy chronicles

Becoming Your Parents

The year was 1993.  Hearing that groovy beat come on.  Then Ice Cube’s vocals come over ‘Just waking up in the morning, gotta thank God, I don’t know, but today seems kind of odd’ (my heads know this, and can finish the rest of this song).  I clearly remember my mother stating, ‘that’s the Isley Brothers Footsteps in the Dark.  That ain’t new, he stole (her words) that.’  I really didn’t think about my new music sampling a classic hit.  I mean I kind of remember hearing my mom play that record (yes 12 inch vinyl!!) when I was a little kid.  I remember telling her, well Ice Cube was just making it his own.  He ain’t steal it.  And while I like the original, I preferred the new version to the original.  Same thing could be said of Ma$e Make Me Feel Good (sample of Kool and the Gang Hollywood Swingin) Notorious BIG Big Poppa (another Isley Brother’s sample, Between the Sheets), and Total Can’t You See (James Brown Payback), and other songs that were recorded in the 90’s but sampled from the 70’s.  I thought the “old people” were just being haters and living in the past.  I said it shows a sign of respect that new school is paying tribute and homage by sampling the old school.

Fast forward 20 years, to now.  When I heard the beat come on to Tory Lanez Say It, I thought they were playing If You Love Me, by Brownstone, until I heard a different voice.  Same thing with Zendaya and Chris Brown Something New, I thought it was TLC’s Creep.  In both situations, I was like, this ain’t Brownstone and this ain’t TLC.  Who is this?  They sampling my music now?  And then it dawned on me.  These songs were recorded over 20 years ago.  A generation by definition is 20 years.  The youngsters (oh my gosh did I really just say that?!) may or may not have been born yet.  They don’t really remember Biggie or Tupac ever being alive.  They may remember it being a big deal when they died, but not their life, kind of like me and Marvin Gaye.  So now the inevitable has occurred.  I am turning into my mom.

It’s 2017 and I listen mostly to satellite radio (The Groove, The Backspin, and Fly) which showcases music from the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and early 2000’s.  I especially love the music from my junior high years (circa 94/95) through my college years (99 taking over into the 2000’s 😉 ).When I do listen to regular radio I listen mostly to V103.  Ironically now when I listen my songs are playing.  I thought they were about to play Footsteps in the Dark (Isley Brothers), but it was Today Was a Good Day (Ice Cube?!!).  I knew then at this point, everything has come full circle.  What’s old is now new again.  Even the fashion trends are coming back (bright colored crop tops, acid washed jeans, overalls, and high top fades).  But even the fashion we rocked as new in the 90’s, my parents would say, oh we did that in high school.  Everything is recycled.  But because people are biased, everyone thinks that whatever was going on during their time of growing up is the best.  It’s also natural to think that the generation after you has it easier/better because of technological advancements.  But everything in each decade was not good.  There are highlights and lowlights, but we tend to only remember the good and not the bad.  So let’s respect each other’s generation.  Everything now isn’t ‘stolen’ and the old stuff isn’t ‘bad’.  Let’s focus on the good and enjoy it together.

Blog, Experience, Lifestyle

Matrimony Miss

Alice and Clarence sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Alice with the baby carriage.  This rhyme was often sung about a new couple back in the day.  However given today’s market, the rhyme should be updated to say: Alice and Clarence kissing in a tree.  F-O-R-N-I-C-A-T-I-N-G.  First comes lust, then comes a baby, and if she’s lucky, he’ll marry her, maybe.  Now in no way am I saying that this a new thing that just happened in the last decade or so, but if it was happening back then, it was something that was kept hush hush.  It was not broadcast for everyone to know.  Could it be that people way back had more scruples and morals than the people of today or could it be that with today’s media that tolerance for shock is at an all time high.  So I pose to answer the question: why don’t people marry anymore.

Theory #1:

More men, especially women are more likely to become highly educated.  With the job market going the way it is now, certain positions are out of one’s reach.  To even be considered you must possess a college degree (BS/BA) just to get a foot in the door.  So definitely to become the Big Kahuna, you must have an advanced degree (MS/MA, PhD).  In this time, sure you are becoming more knowledgeable and are increasing your chances of getting a better job, but many people who take this path, that’s all they know.  They have little to no time for a social life.  And once you become comfortable, you are set in your ways.  You do not want anyone to come and mess up your groove, so in a sense you become married to your career.

 

Theory #2:

The media/pop culture does not directly dictate how to live your life, but they definitely influence it.  On talk shows everyday there are women in doubt of who their baby’s daddy is.  There are songs and videos that play on the radio and the television talking about being happy to be an unwed mother or father.  And probably the most influential are celebrities.  It is not uncommon to see celebrity couples who have a kid or two and are not married or to see a couple living together and vacationing all over the world, unmarried.  This cheapens the value of marriage and children and teens who idolize these people figure hey if so in so doesn’t want to get married then neither should I.

 

Theory #3:

When living with someone you do spend a lot of direct time with them.  So you do become comfortable with them.  Once that happens, you start to let your guard down and learn people’s pattern.  You even begin to fall into a daily routine with that person.  Those may be: paying some of the bills, buying the groceries, doing the laundry, cooking the food, etc.  If you are exchanging all the goods and services without the marriage, what is the point of getting married?  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

 

A lot has changed from the old days, but one thing that should have been kept is the value of matrimony.  Marriage culminates the highest honor in that you pledge to spend the rest of your life with that person.  That bond should not be taken lightly, however people of today just don’t value it like it once was.  Maybe we’ll see a change in the next decade or so, but I see a downward spiral for the near future.

Blog, Experience, Featured, Lifestyle

Myths About Natural Hair

If you are reading this and have decided to go natural, congratulations and welcome to the sisterhood of naturalistas.  You have decided to let go of the need to feel incomplete without chemically altering your hair.  You have the confidence to step out without bone straight hair on your head 24/7.  If you are one of the people who feels as if straight hair validates you, this is especially for you.  Since I’ve gone natural in 2007 (10 years ago), I’ve had many reactions to my decision.  Back then, it was a small wave of people doing it, but it wasn’t nowhere near the movement it is now.  I got several opinions as to why I would want to do that.  I heard, oh you won’t be able to wear it in a professional environment, it’s just not for me, only certain textures look nice natural, you won’t ever be able to straighten your hair, and you can never wear it in a formal setting.  Well I’m here to dismiss all these myths.

Myth #1: Natural Hair Is Not Professional

Here’s my question, what exactly constitutes as professional?  My definition of professional is making sure you are representing yourself and business/company in a matter that is neat and a reflection of how you want your business/company to be perceived.  Should straight hairstyles only be categorized as this?  Absolutely not.  If hair is combed and styled neatly, then it should be called professional.  There are many styles that can be worn to fit this description.  A short crop, cornrowed styles, twist outs, wash and gos, and locs are all natural styles that can be worn in the work environment.  A little while back, there was a controversy on Google where if you search unprofessional hairstyles, all these styles were shown.  Obviously, they were all African-American women which left people very upset as this being a subtle form of racism.  A friend of mine’s sister was actually pictured as one of the women on Google.  As I do the image search now, it’s still mostly African-American women featured.  People need to get in their mind that there is more than one style for professionalism.

Myth #2: It’s Just Not For Me

I hear this often as to why people prefer not to wear their hair natural.  Some even say they just don’t like natural hair.  My response to this is so hair that you were born with, that came out of your scalp is not for you?  Huh?!  I’m not saying by no means that you have to only like your natural hairstyles, but the statement of it not being for you is pretty silly.  It’s like saying my hands aren’t for me.  When you say it like that, people realize that statements like this are pretty silly.

Myth #3: Only Certain Textures Look Nice Natural

This is where the separation of “good” hair and “bad” hair comes into play.  By now, I’m sure most people are familiar with the phrase good hair.  If not, here’s a brief summary.  Good hair is considered the desirable texture/grade of hair.  It’s the hair that is not as kinky/nappy.  It’s softer, has a looser curl pattern, and is not course.  In some people’s eyes, it’s viewed as multi-ethnic or biracial hair texture.  Back to the myth now.  As a society, we share in the blame for this.  Often times, when a model is portrayed as natural, they usually have the looser curl pattern/”good” hair.  She is shown in the magazine, on the product box/label, and on the blogs/vlogs.  This may discourage many women who don’t have that texture from wanting to go natural.  However, it is certain styles that may look better on a looser curl pattern, but there are also certain styles that look better on a tighter curl pattern.  It’s all about using the proper products (different products have different results for different hairstyles) and trial and error.  As a natural girl, you are constantly learning new and different techniques to style your hair, so don’t become discouraged.

Myth #4: You Won’t Be Able to Straighten Your Hair

This is a huge myth.  The phrase natural just means your hair is not chemically altered.  There are no products physically changing the structure of your hair permanently.  So if you blow dry and flat iron it occasionally, you are still natural.  It’s no different that the press and curl you got as a little girl for school pictures.  In most cases, if your hair is properly protected, you can straighten and then wash your hair and the curl pattern should return.  If you are constantly straightening your hair, then you may train the curl pattern to lay down.  But you have to do a lot of only straightened styles to get to that point.

Myth #5: You Can Never Wear It In A Formal Setting

There are so many natural styles that can be worn for a wedding/formal affair.  There are many braided updos that can easily be accessed on social media (Pinterest, You Tube, Natural pages on Facebook, etc.).  Here are photos from my wedding.  In this day and age, anything can be found online.

I get that everyone isn’t going to want to embrace their natural hair.  However, don’t try to discourage or be ignorant to people who do decide to be natural.  There are different strokes for different folks, so let the different ones just be that.  Cause after all, if everything was the same, it would be pretty boring.

Blog, Experience

Turning 30

June 24, 2011

 

Well its 2 days before I leave my 20’s and join the big 3 Oh.  Am I nervous or anxious, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.  Going to a new decade is a little scary but I’m ready to see what’s on the other side.  My brothers have been telling me that life is really gonna begin.  I know now that I am an official adult.  But as I get ready to exit my 20’s I don’t want to repeat some of the same mistakes in my 30’s.  As
it goes, you’re supposed to be older and wiser.  I spent a good portion of my 20’s putting faith in people I should not have.  Clearly I kept on giving them chance after chance to prove themselves and they continued to disappoint me but I wanted to see the best in them.  No more of that.  I will not continue to put stock in people who frankly do not deserve it.  And I always was overly compassionate to people, when people didn’t give me the same kind of common courtesy.  I am a person who always thinks before I speak because I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings but now its like SCREW IT!!   I’m a grown ass woman.  No more walking on eggshells and tip toeing around people’s feelings.  Now this doesn’t mean that I’m just gonna start lashing out at people.  All this means is that I am gonna speak about what’s on my mind.  If I think something is b.s., I’m gonna say it is.

Another thing that I have gotten in the habit of doing is putting myself and my needs first.  It took me all of 29 years to figure it out, but hey at least I did.  Cause the old rule states look out for numero uno.  Many times I wondered about someone else’s needs over my own.  In certain situations I even was willing to overlook what I believe to accommodate that person, but no more of that.  I’m not saying its my way or the highway, but if I am strongly against something, I’m not gonna budge from it.  I need to stick to my guns because consistency is key.  I can’t say I feel one way about something and then it goes out the window the next minute.  I’m so over that now.  What best suits me first, and everything else second.

Going with the whole thing of taking care of me first, I really need to get the ball rolling on things.  While I’m saying what I want to accomplish before this age or that age time is just steady passing me by.  I have been saying that I want to make a lot of things happen for a while now but has made little progress in doing so.  And its not the fact that I’m afraid of failure.  I just haven’t sat down and actually orchestrated a plan.  I have so many ideas and thoughts that rush through my head.  I see the finish line before I see the starting gate.  Focusing on one thing at a time is going to be something that I am gonna need to do in order for me to successfully pull my ideas off.  It is absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming, however I am ready for my dreams to become a reality.

I’m tired of just having a “normal” life.  Something I realized about myself is that I am not normal.  I strive for a lot and always want to perfect any job or task I come about.  I want more out of life.  I am proud of the accomplishments that I have made but I just want more.  I will not be content going on doing what I’m doing for the next 20, 30, or 40 years.  I never want to have the “I wish I’d have done this when I was younger” speech.  I have a living breathing example of that in front of my face.  True the expression says you’re never too old to do anything until you’re dead but I feel sometimes you miss your window.   For example someone in their mid to late 30’s who always wanted to play in the NBA has missed that window.  Can they still play ball, of course.  But not at that level of professionalism.  I want to make the most of my life because when it comes down to it, you only have one life and it is short.  If its something you’ve always wanted to do, make it happen.  Stop wishing and hoping and dreaming.  Like Nike says “Just Do It”.

Turning 30 has brought out all kinds of emotions in me.  Its for the most part positive, but a little anxiety lies ahead.  I guess its because I’m at the point where I’m not a “young” adult, but just an adult.  Cause the choices and decisions I make now are going to be ones that affect me for the rest of my life.  Its not impossible to start over as you get older, but it definitely becomes more difficult.  So here’s to a new decade.  May it bring more joy and fun than my 20’s. 🙂