Category Archives: Featured

Blog, Experience, Featured, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

A Guide to Halloween

Another Halloween has come and gone. There were quite some cool and creative costumes this year. The popular new one I saw was the one with couples where the guy was the Instagram with no filter and the girl was Instagram with the filter. Of course with the popularity of Black Panther this year, I saw some T’Challas and Killmongers. I even saw some costumes that paid homage to popular memes from this year (ie little Cardi B and the lady bent over squinting). There were many good costumes this year, however, some people apparently still don’t understand what’s offensive and what isn’t in the year 2018.

Veteran journalist Megyn Kelly stated she did not see what was so offensive about wearing blackface. She stated that it was done in her neighborhood she grew up in and did not see the big deal. Guess she never heard of minstrel shows and blackface done in cinema during the 1940s and 50s. She doubled down by saying if someone white wants to dress as Diana Ross, they should be able to. The problem isn’t dressing as Diana, it’s putting on blackface to do so. Every year, I see tons of women dressed as Marilyn Monroe from the Seven Year Itch, and they aren’t white women all the time. But the ones who aren’t white, are never in whiteface. Why is that I wonder? People just choose to miss the point and it became apparent for the racists that tried to come for Gabrielle Union.

For her 46th birthday, Gabrielle Union had a costume themed bash. She came dressed as Gwen Stefani during her No Doubt days. It was very cute, but the racists were not happy. They were calling for double standards as to why it was okay for Gabrielle and not for Megyn. The difference is that Gabrielle did not wear whiteface and say that it was okay to wear whiteface. Fans immediately came to Gabrielle’s defense and were not going for it. People on social media talking junk is one thing, but teachers playfully wearing inappropriate costumes actually was a thing.

In Idaho, some elementary school teachers thought it was okay to dress up in patriotic gear behind a wall, presumably a border wall that read Make America Great Again. As if that wasn’t bad enough, other teachers dressed up in sombreros, ponchos, and dark mustaches. So between all these adults, educators at that, no one thought, you know what, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Once wind of this was made, the superintendent extensively apologized for the offensive costumes. My question is still how in 2018, people still think stuff like this is okay? If you aren’t certain about what to wear for Halloween here are a few tips.

The first one that’s a no brainier is don’t wear blackface. It was never acceptable and never will be acceptable. And the way stuff is set up, you may get yo ass kicked. The second is don’t depict any culture in a stereotypical way. We all know what stereotypes are, and if you don’t, then Google it. The third is to remember Halloween is supposed to be about having fun. There should be nothing malicious or intentional. Lastly, when in doubt, just dress up as a comic book character. Below are people who have done Halloween the right way. Hope this helps for next year.

 

Blog, Experience, Featured

Another One Bites the Dust

We have seen a lot of resurgences as of recent.  We saw an X Files, Will and Grace, Dynasty, and MacGyver reboot just to name a few.  Seems like people were longing for the nostalgia of the shows that they grew up watching.  Then Roseanne was greenlighted for a reboot.  The Conner family of Lanford, IL was coming back to the silver screen and many were excited.  Roseanne in its original run always focused on real issues that affect real people, so it was only natural that the reboot would follow the same formula.  Roseanne premiered with a bang with over 18 million viewers tuning in to see what the Conners had been doing since the show ended over 20 years ago.  Since Roseanne Barr was the creator of her show, her personal beliefs were written into the show.  Roseanne Conner as well as Barr, both are Trump supporters.  That was the focus of the premiere episode as she and her sister Jackie were no longer speaking after the election.  This was all too real for some people as the relationship between friends and family may be strained due to which political candidate they voted for.  There were also topics of interracial relationships, gender fluidity, and surrogacy to name a few.  The show had real promise and potential as it was greenlighted for a second season.  People were captured by the writing and thought that the show really was a snapshot into people’s lives today.  Then Roseanne couldn’t stay off Twitter.

Roseanne Barr has always had an abrasive say what I want to personality.  She spoke her mind and was unapologetic about it.  If your feelings were hurt oh well, thicken up that skin.  She has constantly showed her support for Trump and his policies, which she does have a right to do.  She’s also tweeted bizarre conspiracy theories.  Where the shit hit the fan was what she tweeted and then later deleted about Barack Obama’s former advisor Valerie Jarrett.  The tweet stated Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj.  Now people may ask what’s so wrong with that, it’s just a joke, she’s a comedian lighten up, let me break it down to you.  Valerie Jarrett is a black woman so referring to any black person as any type of primate is extremely racially insensitive.  It’s a very long and ugly history of black people being referred to and treated as animals.  It wasn’t that long ago when Civil Rights were implemented across the board.  Hell school integration didn’t happen until the 1950s.  My mom remembers all of this so I’m only one generation removed from this.  So let’s stop saying it was a long time ago.  After she received a little backlash, she then said it was a joke.  Not cool or funny.  Then once real push back came, she gave a half assed apology and stated she was quitting twitter only to be back on the very next day.  Then she dropped the bomb.  Roseanne has been canceled by ABC.

When she tweeted about the cancellation, many people already had started posting about it because ABC had already released their statement I believe.  There were understandably mixed reviews.  Some people had the don’t let the doorknob hit you where the good lord split you mentality.  And then the other people were big mad about it.  Oh they were pissed.  They started pulling out all the stops about how they should ban to boycott ABC (good luck) and how it’s unfair that the president is a constant object of ridicule yet the people who do it are still employed.  They came after SNL, Bill Maher, and the View.  These are all shows that I only watch clips of online, so I’m not sure to what capacity they go into when they speak of Trump.  From what I have seen especially on SNL, this is stuff that he has actually said, but they just take it and add satire to it.  Once the convincing others that they were being hypocritical for laughing at one and not the other didn’t work, then her supporters went for the she apologized get over it.  This opened a whole new dialogue for the non-supporters who stated that when the NFL players kneel and have said numerous times, this is not about the flag, disrespecting the military, or the national anthem time and time again, that it is totally dismissed.  How come one concept is so hard to understand but the other one isn’t?  Then came the blame game.

As tough as nails as Roseanne is, she started to change her tune once she got canned.  Its so ironic that a lot of the hardcore supporters of the president will regurgitate his words and end up hearing his catchphrase: you’re fired.  The first people she went after were her castmates.  Sara Gilbert and Michael Fishman called her out immediately on her tweet.  In short, both her tv daughter and son said that ain’t cool.  She responded by saying thanks for throwing me under the bus.  In a bizarre twist, she then blamed Ambien for the tweet.  I guess Ambien forgot to list tweeting racist shit as a possible side effect.  Ambien didn’t take this lightly and basically said keep our name out your mouth.  She then tweeted (I thought she quit twitter though) to her fans that Wanda Sykes tweet that was sent out before ABC canceled her was the influence.  Wanda Sykes who was a producer on Roseanne announced that she would not be returning for season 2.  Roseanne felt that this may have skewed ABC’s decision.  After this final failed attempt, she then said I’m not racist just an idiot.  No my dear, you’re both.

The lesson that should be learned from this whole situation is that freedom of speech does not protect you from consequences.  People seem to only think about freedom of speech when it is in their favor, but the second it goes against what they believe, all hell breaks loose.  The funny thing about this is when it is called out, people just completely dismiss it.  They don’t even attempt to address it, or they deflect.  The cycle that is all to common when someone in entertainment posts something that is controversial is:

  1. Get defensive and say yeah, I meant every word.
  2. It’s a joke, where is your sense of humor.
  3. I didn’t mean to offend anyone.
  4. If I offended you, I’m sorry.
  5. Offer an excuse of what made them do it.

Bonus: If all else fails, claim your account got hacked.

Point is now, we are living in a very pc world now and certain stuff just ain’t gonna fly.  You can’t make certain statements about certain people, especially if the people have been hurt or killed for who they are.  The bottom line is that racism is very much still alive in 2018.  We can pretend that giving blacks civil rights, integrating schools, approving interracial marriage, affirmative action, and electing a black president has taken care of the race thing, but it hasn’t.  The only way to fully get rid of it, is to address the elephant in the room and then maybe a solution to this problem can occur.

Blog, Featured, thumb wars

DWB (Driving While Black)

This was my response to the young man being pulled over and accused of stealing his own car.

This post actually inspired me to create this section for blogging.  I wasn’t expecting the kind of attention that I got.  This opened up many people to discuss their views.  Some agreed, some disagreed, and some agreed to disagree.  All in all, this shed light onto a subject that many think is overused, but clearly when incidences like this occur, it is not.

Blog, Featured, thumb wars

You’re Not Racist, Just Clueless

Okay, here’s the quick backstory.  Since we the people have elected a new president, there has been a lot of tension.  A friend of mine’s had been posting a lot off the wall comments lately.  Most of the time I just scroll on by at the direction of my husband, but this one was waaaayyyyyy too much.  So the first image is the first thing I see and I was like whoa.  I couldn’t just  leave this one alone.  Below, you can see how this whole scenario played out, hence the title, you’re not racist, just clueless.

As you can see, once actual facts were presented, it was like oh this escalated.  Then one of her friends had some pretty strong opinions and stereotypical views about people of color.  The funniest one to me was that I must of had an advantage getting into college, because I’m black.  But you only know what you are taught.  In the end, I still think that people will continue to be clueless about certain issues but it was good to educate someone to show that hey not all people of certain group are all the same.  Take the time to get to know someone different than you and you’d be surprised to see the things that you may have in common.  It starts first with you to go outside your little box.

Blog, Experience, Featured, Lifestyle

Myths About Natural Hair

If you are reading this and have decided to go natural, congratulations and welcome to the sisterhood of naturalistas.  You have decided to let go of the need to feel incomplete without chemically altering your hair.  You have the confidence to step out without bone straight hair on your head 24/7.  If you are one of the people who feels as if straight hair validates you, this is especially for you.  Since I’ve gone natural in 2007 (10 years ago), I’ve had many reactions to my decision.  Back then, it was a small wave of people doing it, but it wasn’t nowhere near the movement it is now.  I got several opinions as to why I would want to do that.  I heard, oh you won’t be able to wear it in a professional environment, it’s just not for me, only certain textures look nice natural, you won’t ever be able to straighten your hair, and you can never wear it in a formal setting.  Well I’m here to dismiss all these myths.

Myth #1: Natural Hair Is Not Professional

Here’s my question, what exactly constitutes as professional?  My definition of professional is making sure you are representing yourself and business/company in a matter that is neat and a reflection of how you want your business/company to be perceived.  Should straight hairstyles only be categorized as this?  Absolutely not.  If hair is combed and styled neatly, then it should be called professional.  There are many styles that can be worn to fit this description.  A short crop, cornrowed styles, twist outs, wash and gos, and locs are all natural styles that can be worn in the work environment.  A little while back, there was a controversy on Google where if you search unprofessional hairstyles, all these styles were shown.  Obviously, they were all African-American women which left people very upset as this being a subtle form of racism.  A friend of mine’s sister was actually pictured as one of the women on Google.  As I do the image search now, it’s still mostly African-American women featured.  People need to get in their mind that there is more than one style for professionalism.

Myth #2: It’s Just Not For Me

I hear this often as to why people prefer not to wear their hair natural.  Some even say they just don’t like natural hair.  My response to this is so hair that you were born with, that came out of your scalp is not for you?  Huh?!  I’m not saying by no means that you have to only like your natural hairstyles, but the statement of it not being for you is pretty silly.  It’s like saying my hands aren’t for me.  When you say it like that, people realize that statements like this are pretty silly.

Myth #3: Only Certain Textures Look Nice Natural

This is where the separation of “good” hair and “bad” hair comes into play.  By now, I’m sure most people are familiar with the phrase good hair.  If not, here’s a brief summary.  Good hair is considered the desirable texture/grade of hair.  It’s the hair that is not as kinky/nappy.  It’s softer, has a looser curl pattern, and is not course.  In some people’s eyes, it’s viewed as multi-ethnic or biracial hair texture.  Back to the myth now.  As a society, we share in the blame for this.  Often times, when a model is portrayed as natural, they usually have the looser curl pattern/”good” hair.  She is shown in the magazine, on the product box/label, and on the blogs/vlogs.  This may discourage many women who don’t have that texture from wanting to go natural.  However, it is certain styles that may look better on a looser curl pattern, but there are also certain styles that look better on a tighter curl pattern.  It’s all about using the proper products (different products have different results for different hairstyles) and trial and error.  As a natural girl, you are constantly learning new and different techniques to style your hair, so don’t become discouraged.

Myth #4: You Won’t Be Able to Straighten Your Hair

This is a huge myth.  The phrase natural just means your hair is not chemically altered.  There are no products physically changing the structure of your hair permanently.  So if you blow dry and flat iron it occasionally, you are still natural.  It’s no different that the press and curl you got as a little girl for school pictures.  In most cases, if your hair is properly protected, you can straighten and then wash your hair and the curl pattern should return.  If you are constantly straightening your hair, then you may train the curl pattern to lay down.  But you have to do a lot of only straightened styles to get to that point.

Myth #5: You Can Never Wear It In A Formal Setting

There are so many natural styles that can be worn for a wedding/formal affair.  There are many braided updos that can easily be accessed on social media (Pinterest, You Tube, Natural pages on Facebook, etc.).  Here are photos from my wedding.  In this day and age, anything can be found online.

I get that everyone isn’t going to want to embrace their natural hair.  However, don’t try to discourage or be ignorant to people who do decide to be natural.  There are different strokes for different folks, so let the different ones just be that.  Cause after all, if everything was the same, it would be pretty boring.

Blog, Featured, Finance

Rethinking Your Tax Return

It’s that time again.  You’ve waited a whole year and it’s finally here.  What am I talking about?  Tax season.  All last year you’ve overpaid on your taxes (you hope) and you should be getting a big fat refund back (you hope).  You already started mentally calculating what you are going to do with all your tax money.  I can buy the kids new clothes, I need to do this work on my car, I could put a down payment on a newer car, I could buy a whole new living room set, I can take a vacation to Vegas, etc.  There are many uses that you can do with the money, but in many of these scenarios, it’s just for a short fix.  How many memes do we see on Facebook where we see a person on the bus in February, new car in March, repo’d in April, and back on the bus in May?  Many people will say well it’s my money and I can spend it how I want to.  But if you are receiving several thousands of dollars and then being flat broke a few months later, it is a problem with this.  It’s because you are living in the now, you never think about your future.  At some point, you’re going to want to retire, unless you just want to have to work until you are lowered into the ground.

It starts with little things now.  Don’t wait until your 40’s, 50’s, or even 60’s to start thinking about your future/retirement plan.  The earlier you start, the better financial position you will be in later.  A phrase that I get tired of hearing people say is I’m broke.  Unless you literally don’t have anything, you are not broke, but your managing of finances may need some fine tuning.  A way to start is by ending the cycle that continues with buying a bunch of stuff that either costs you money, or loses value instantly during tax season.  If you are fortunate to receive $2000, $3000, $4000, $5000, or even $6000 during tax season, rethink the way you spend your money.  After all you worked for it and you want to get the most out of it. ******Disclaimer: I am not a trained financial professional, but I do enjoy budgeting and finances.  Seeking a professional will better be able to help gear a plan for your specific situation. *********

Here is a chart illustrating how to spend your tax return responsibly.

 

 

 

 

Formula $2000 $3000 $4000 $5000 $6000
30% invest $600 $900 $1200 $1500 $1800
20% save $400 $600 $800 $1000 $1200
30% pay debt $600 $900 $1200 $1500 $1800
15 % blow $300 $450 $600 $750 $900
5% your choice $100 $150 $200 $250 $300
Money invested over 18 years (no interest) $10800 $16200 $21600 $27000 $32400
Money saved $7200 $10800 $14400 $18000 $21600

 

A formula I have come up with (check with a professional to see what works best for you) is off the bat, half of your money shouldn’t even be touched.  30% should be invested and 20% should be saved.  I say 30% for investing because you want to be aggressive with building your retirement portfolio.  Invest now, to enjoy for later.  20% should be saved because emergencies do come up and you don’t want to have to pawn/sell something of value, or have to ask relatives/friends for money.  After all, you don’t want people all in your business especially after you flaunted all your tax money and now you’re broke.  Another 30% should be used to pay down or even off some debt.  Sometimes you have those nagging bills that you can’t seem to get rid of, but if you can pay a big amount on it, you can knock down the balance and eventually pay if off quicker.  Up until this point, you’re probably saying ‘really Na’imah, all business huh, no fun right.  You need to allow us some fun.  Yolo.’  There is some truth in all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.  Go ahead and blow 15%, and keep it to a strict 15%.  If you’re familiar with the movie Brewster’s Millions (the Richard Pryor one from the 80’s), Monty Brewster was set to inherit $300 million from his great uncle.  But to get his inheritance, he was given 10% or $30 million to play with.  The reason why is because his uncle worked hard to acquire the wealth and he didn’t want his nephew to just piss it away.  Same concept here.  I say 15% now because I adjusted for inflation.  But as the chart shows, you can still do a lot with the 15% of your tax return.  And then the last 5% comes down to you.  You can pay it forward by donating to something or just making a difference in someone’s life.  Keeping positive vibes around you is good.  Flush the negativity away.

So now I ask, why not try this way?  You’ve been doing the other way and it hasn’t been working.  You have nothing to lose and so much more to gain.  You will grow tired of material things, it’s time to invest in your future and start to build financial security.

Blog, Featured, Lifestyle

Make Time 4 Change

As each tick of the minute hand goes, each day, then week, then month, and eventually year, you are left wondering where is all the time going.  It only seemed like you were planning your New Year’s resolution and vowing that this year is going to be your year.  But you rang in the new year, fought through the snow, and now spring is here.   Soon the leaves will bloom, summer will come and go, then fall, and you’ll be starting your new resolution, which may have been your resolution for the last 4 years.  You are in disbelief that another year is a quarter over and you haven’t made the strides that you anticipated on making.  It’s ok, because it’s easy to get wrapped up in the day to day.  You may have started a job as a stepping stone, or a means to just pay back student loans or whatever the case may be.  Blink your eyes and now you’ve been with the company 10 years.  I know this personally.

My first job ever was just a summer gig while I was home from school.  My manager liked me 🙂 so every break I had from school (winter and summer), I came back.  When I graduated, like many students, I had no job, but I was also being kicked off my dad’s insurance.  During this time, you could receive benefits until 24, but had to be a full-time student.  I graduated at 22.  I needed something with bennies (what my dad called benefits).  I went back to my summer/winter break job and time passed me by. Three years, 5 years, even 8 years went by.  I did get promoted and was eventually in a management training program where I was promoted in a management position.  I eventually left in 2013, because it just wasn’t my passion, and I was hired in a job for what I studied in school.

As I look back, it didn’t seem like that many years went by, but they did.  I came in as a 19-year-old college kid, and left out a 32-year-old woman.  I don’t regret my path, because I feel everyone does have a different path.  You can end up in the exact same spot as someone, but your way there may have been different.  I do wish I was more time conscious because I never thought it would go by that fast.  Each year I would state this is my year to do something different, but I kept putting it off.  Thinking that I would have time to get to it.  I think part of it is that it is so easy to become complacent and people have the fear of not wanting to rock the boat.  Especially when you have a comfortable lifestyle, you get by, and everything is guaranteed.  It’s easy to get caught up in that because the unknown is so scary.  The x factor.  But what if you did take a leap out and just do it.  After all, nothing ventured nothing gained, right?

The point in all of this is to give that added push/motivation that you may need to want to do something outside the box whether that be starting our own business, pursuing a career in the arts, or trading stocks.  Follow your dreams.  Orchestrate an actual plan of how you plan to fulfill your goals.  Then once that has been established, you have to commit 100%.  Be all in.  Keep punching at it every day.  Remove any negative people/situations from your life.  You don’t need that dark cloud trying to rain on your parade.  Don’t become discouraged if you don’t become an overnight success.  Rome was not built in a day, so have a little more patience.  After all, you may have given your previous job 5 or 10 years of your life, you can give your dream more than 5 minutes.  Never stop grinding.  Always be learning new ways/how to improve at your craft, cause once you’re in, now you have to ensure that you stay in.  Never, ever think it’s too late to start something.  The only time it’s too late is if you are in the ground.  So go out there and get yours.  We all have the same amount of time each day, it just depends on how you utilize it.

Blog, Experience, Featured

Open Letter to Little Black Girls

To my pretty black girls…….

You were born with the most beautiful amazing gift out there.  Your tanned skin and curly, kinky hair is one of the most unique features in the world.  That skin will protect you on long summer days playing with friends outside.  And the beautiful mane you possess will give you so many varieties.  You could style your hair different every day of the week if you wish.  Oh and let’s not forget about your skin aging at a slower pace due to that wondrous and glorious melanin in it.  With all these positives, seems like you would have it pretty good.  Well that’s not entirely true.

It may be times when you question our overall beauty.  I’m here to remind you that you are beautiful no matter what.  The reality is that your unique features (darker skin, fuller lips, curly/kinky hair, curvier/fuller figure) is often times celebrated on women who look nothing like you.  This is the most backhanded way to compliment a beautiful woman like you.  On people who don’t look like you, they are called exotic and sexy even, but your features are just ignored and shrugged off.  Whatever you do, embrace what you have been blessed with naturally.  Love your skin, love your hair, love those lips and hips.  Don’t conform to society’s “standards of beauty” because they tell you that is the route you need to go.  Just politely state this is me, this is who I am, and I love me.  But if society’s views have already permeated our own, then you have another task at hand.

It was a time many, many years ago when there was unity and extreme loyalty among the black community.  There was always an underlying division of what was deemed accepted (lighter skinned, finer hair) and unaccepted (darker skinned, courser hair) though.  But the distance is growing larger and larger between black men and women.  It is black men who go on the record stating they do not black women because they are not good enough for them.  Or they name a number of stereotypes that have nothing to do with being black (hair weave, baby daddy drama, attitude, etc).  Some of these guys are so far gone, that even if you point out women who break these stereotypes, they will still make up something else.  Just remember that ignorance is bliss.  They know of not what they speak and how foolish they look insulting and degrading women who look like their moms, sisters, nieces, cousins, aunts, daughters, and grandmothers.  For the ladies who create the separation and division amongst each other for stupid reasons, just STOP IT!!!!!!!!  We all play for the same team.  It is no reason to put down another sister because she looks a little different from you.  Let’s encourage and build up one another rather than tearing each other down.

Being a black girl who eventually is going to become a black woman, you are going to face many challenges.  First you must learn to accept your beauty under any circumstance.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not beautiful because you are black.  Or even worse that you are pretty for a black girl.  That is one of the rudest most ignorant comments that anyone can say.  Own your beauty.  Rock what you were blessed with.  #blackgirlmagic is not just a phrase.  The way we are able to do certain things and the traits that we do possess is just short of magic.  Second off, learn that you will face haters and ignorant people who look a lot like you.  They will try and discourage you from trying to reach your goals because they are lacking themselves.  Remember that misery loves company.

In closing I’d just like to say this is meant for all my beautiful little black girls who need to hear these encouraging words.  You can do whatever you put your mind to.  If you want to be a CEO, president of a corporation, hell even president of the United States, you can do it.  Start with setting small goals for yourself each week.  If you don’t meet them, don’t beat yourself up as to why you didn’t, but on what you can do to accomplish it.  If the same thing you’re doing over and over again isn’t working, then try something new.  But whatever you do, DON’T GIVE UP.  You will live to regret it.  This letter is for all my beautiful black girls and especially for my little one.  You make mommy do and want to be better.  And for the negative remarks, you’re completely entitled to your opinion.  But know that you are the motivation for me writing this so I can combat your negativity you are feeding to these beautiful little girls.

 

For you my Ari