Category Archives: Experience

Blog, Experience, Featured, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

A Guide to Halloween

Another Halloween has come and gone. There were quite some cool and creative costumes this year. The popular new one I saw was the one with couples where the guy was the Instagram with no filter and the girl was Instagram with the filter. Of course with the popularity of Black Panther this year, I saw some T’Challas and Killmongers. I even saw some costumes that paid homage to popular memes from this year (ie little Cardi B and the lady bent over squinting). There were many good costumes this year, however, some people apparently still don’t understand what’s offensive and what isn’t in the year 2018.

Veteran journalist Megyn Kelly stated she did not see what was so offensive about wearing blackface. She stated that it was done in her neighborhood she grew up in and did not see the big deal. Guess she never heard of minstrel shows and blackface done in cinema during the 1940s and 50s. She doubled down by saying if someone white wants to dress as Diana Ross, they should be able to. The problem isn’t dressing as Diana, it’s putting on blackface to do so. Every year, I see tons of women dressed as Marilyn Monroe from the Seven Year Itch, and they aren’t white women all the time. But the ones who aren’t white, are never in whiteface. Why is that I wonder? People just choose to miss the point and it became apparent for the racists that tried to come for Gabrielle Union.

For her 46th birthday, Gabrielle Union had a costume themed bash. She came dressed as Gwen Stefani during her No Doubt days. It was very cute, but the racists were not happy. They were calling for double standards as to why it was okay for Gabrielle and not for Megyn. The difference is that Gabrielle did not wear whiteface and say that it was okay to wear whiteface. Fans immediately came to Gabrielle’s defense and were not going for it. People on social media talking junk is one thing, but teachers playfully wearing inappropriate costumes actually was a thing.

In Idaho, some elementary school teachers thought it was okay to dress up in patriotic gear behind a wall, presumably a border wall that read Make America Great Again. As if that wasn’t bad enough, other teachers dressed up in sombreros, ponchos, and dark mustaches. So between all these adults, educators at that, no one thought, you know what, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Once wind of this was made, the superintendent extensively apologized for the offensive costumes. My question is still how in 2018, people still think stuff like this is okay? If you aren’t certain about what to wear for Halloween here are a few tips.

The first one that’s a no brainier is don’t wear blackface. It was never acceptable and never will be acceptable. And the way stuff is set up, you may get yo ass kicked. The second is don’t depict any culture in a stereotypical way. We all know what stereotypes are, and if you don’t, then Google it. The third is to remember Halloween is supposed to be about having fun. There should be nothing malicious or intentional. Lastly, when in doubt, just dress up as a comic book character. Below are people who have done Halloween the right way. Hope this helps for next year.

 

Blog, Experience, Featured

Another One Bites the Dust

We have seen a lot of resurgences as of recent.  We saw an X Files, Will and Grace, Dynasty, and MacGyver reboot just to name a few.  Seems like people were longing for the nostalgia of the shows that they grew up watching.  Then Roseanne was greenlighted for a reboot.  The Conner family of Lanford, IL was coming back to the silver screen and many were excited.  Roseanne in its original run always focused on real issues that affect real people, so it was only natural that the reboot would follow the same formula.  Roseanne premiered with a bang with over 18 million viewers tuning in to see what the Conners had been doing since the show ended over 20 years ago.  Since Roseanne Barr was the creator of her show, her personal beliefs were written into the show.  Roseanne Conner as well as Barr, both are Trump supporters.  That was the focus of the premiere episode as she and her sister Jackie were no longer speaking after the election.  This was all too real for some people as the relationship between friends and family may be strained due to which political candidate they voted for.  There were also topics of interracial relationships, gender fluidity, and surrogacy to name a few.  The show had real promise and potential as it was greenlighted for a second season.  People were captured by the writing and thought that the show really was a snapshot into people’s lives today.  Then Roseanne couldn’t stay off Twitter.

Roseanne Barr has always had an abrasive say what I want to personality.  She spoke her mind and was unapologetic about it.  If your feelings were hurt oh well, thicken up that skin.  She has constantly showed her support for Trump and his policies, which she does have a right to do.  She’s also tweeted bizarre conspiracy theories.  Where the shit hit the fan was what she tweeted and then later deleted about Barack Obama’s former advisor Valerie Jarrett.  The tweet stated Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj.  Now people may ask what’s so wrong with that, it’s just a joke, she’s a comedian lighten up, let me break it down to you.  Valerie Jarrett is a black woman so referring to any black person as any type of primate is extremely racially insensitive.  It’s a very long and ugly history of black people being referred to and treated as animals.  It wasn’t that long ago when Civil Rights were implemented across the board.  Hell school integration didn’t happen until the 1950s.  My mom remembers all of this so I’m only one generation removed from this.  So let’s stop saying it was a long time ago.  After she received a little backlash, she then said it was a joke.  Not cool or funny.  Then once real push back came, she gave a half assed apology and stated she was quitting twitter only to be back on the very next day.  Then she dropped the bomb.  Roseanne has been canceled by ABC.

When she tweeted about the cancellation, many people already had started posting about it because ABC had already released their statement I believe.  There were understandably mixed reviews.  Some people had the don’t let the doorknob hit you where the good lord split you mentality.  And then the other people were big mad about it.  Oh they were pissed.  They started pulling out all the stops about how they should ban to boycott ABC (good luck) and how it’s unfair that the president is a constant object of ridicule yet the people who do it are still employed.  They came after SNL, Bill Maher, and the View.  These are all shows that I only watch clips of online, so I’m not sure to what capacity they go into when they speak of Trump.  From what I have seen especially on SNL, this is stuff that he has actually said, but they just take it and add satire to it.  Once the convincing others that they were being hypocritical for laughing at one and not the other didn’t work, then her supporters went for the she apologized get over it.  This opened a whole new dialogue for the non-supporters who stated that when the NFL players kneel and have said numerous times, this is not about the flag, disrespecting the military, or the national anthem time and time again, that it is totally dismissed.  How come one concept is so hard to understand but the other one isn’t?  Then came the blame game.

As tough as nails as Roseanne is, she started to change her tune once she got canned.  Its so ironic that a lot of the hardcore supporters of the president will regurgitate his words and end up hearing his catchphrase: you’re fired.  The first people she went after were her castmates.  Sara Gilbert and Michael Fishman called her out immediately on her tweet.  In short, both her tv daughter and son said that ain’t cool.  She responded by saying thanks for throwing me under the bus.  In a bizarre twist, she then blamed Ambien for the tweet.  I guess Ambien forgot to list tweeting racist shit as a possible side effect.  Ambien didn’t take this lightly and basically said keep our name out your mouth.  She then tweeted (I thought she quit twitter though) to her fans that Wanda Sykes tweet that was sent out before ABC canceled her was the influence.  Wanda Sykes who was a producer on Roseanne announced that she would not be returning for season 2.  Roseanne felt that this may have skewed ABC’s decision.  After this final failed attempt, she then said I’m not racist just an idiot.  No my dear, you’re both.

The lesson that should be learned from this whole situation is that freedom of speech does not protect you from consequences.  People seem to only think about freedom of speech when it is in their favor, but the second it goes against what they believe, all hell breaks loose.  The funny thing about this is when it is called out, people just completely dismiss it.  They don’t even attempt to address it, or they deflect.  The cycle that is all to common when someone in entertainment posts something that is controversial is:

  1. Get defensive and say yeah, I meant every word.
  2. It’s a joke, where is your sense of humor.
  3. I didn’t mean to offend anyone.
  4. If I offended you, I’m sorry.
  5. Offer an excuse of what made them do it.

Bonus: If all else fails, claim your account got hacked.

Point is now, we are living in a very pc world now and certain stuff just ain’t gonna fly.  You can’t make certain statements about certain people, especially if the people have been hurt or killed for who they are.  The bottom line is that racism is very much still alive in 2018.  We can pretend that giving blacks civil rights, integrating schools, approving interracial marriage, affirmative action, and electing a black president has taken care of the race thing, but it hasn’t.  The only way to fully get rid of it, is to address the elephant in the room and then maybe a solution to this problem can occur.

Blog, Experience, Lifestyle, Mommy chronicles

Becoming Your Parents

The year was 1993.  Hearing that groovy beat come on.  Then Ice Cube’s vocals come over ‘Just waking up in the morning, gotta thank God, I don’t know, but today seems kind of odd’ (my heads know this, and can finish the rest of this song).  I clearly remember my mother stating, ‘that’s the Isley Brothers Footsteps in the Dark.  That ain’t new, he stole (her words) that.’  I really didn’t think about my new music sampling a classic hit.  I mean I kind of remember hearing my mom play that record (yes 12 inch vinyl!!) when I was a little kid.  I remember telling her, well Ice Cube was just making it his own.  He ain’t steal it.  And while I like the original, I preferred the new version to the original.  Same thing could be said of Ma$e Make Me Feel Good (sample of Kool and the Gang Hollywood Swingin) Notorious BIG Big Poppa (another Isley Brother’s sample, Between the Sheets), and Total Can’t You See (James Brown Payback), and other songs that were recorded in the 90’s but sampled from the 70’s.  I thought the “old people” were just being haters and living in the past.  I said it shows a sign of respect that new school is paying tribute and homage by sampling the old school.

Fast forward 20 years, to now.  When I heard the beat come on to Tory Lanez Say It, I thought they were playing If You Love Me, by Brownstone, until I heard a different voice.  Same thing with Zendaya and Chris Brown Something New, I thought it was TLC’s Creep.  In both situations, I was like, this ain’t Brownstone and this ain’t TLC.  Who is this?  They sampling my music now?  And then it dawned on me.  These songs were recorded over 20 years ago.  A generation by definition is 20 years.  The youngsters (oh my gosh did I really just say that?!) may or may not have been born yet.  They don’t really remember Biggie or Tupac ever being alive.  They may remember it being a big deal when they died, but not their life, kind of like me and Marvin Gaye.  So now the inevitable has occurred.  I am turning into my mom.

It’s 2017 and I listen mostly to satellite radio (The Groove, The Backspin, and Fly) which showcases music from the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and early 2000’s.  I especially love the music from my junior high years (circa 94/95) through my college years (99 taking over into the 2000’s 😉 ).When I do listen to regular radio I listen mostly to V103.  Ironically now when I listen my songs are playing.  I thought they were about to play Footsteps in the Dark (Isley Brothers), but it was Today Was a Good Day (Ice Cube?!!).  I knew then at this point, everything has come full circle.  What’s old is now new again.  Even the fashion trends are coming back (bright colored crop tops, acid washed jeans, overalls, and high top fades).  But even the fashion we rocked as new in the 90’s, my parents would say, oh we did that in high school.  Everything is recycled.  But because people are biased, everyone thinks that whatever was going on during their time of growing up is the best.  It’s also natural to think that the generation after you has it easier/better because of technological advancements.  But everything in each decade was not good.  There are highlights and lowlights, but we tend to only remember the good and not the bad.  So let’s respect each other’s generation.  Everything now isn’t ‘stolen’ and the old stuff isn’t ‘bad’.  Let’s focus on the good and enjoy it together.

Blog, Experience, Lifestyle

Matrimony Miss

Alice and Clarence sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Alice with the baby carriage.  This rhyme was often sung about a new couple back in the day.  However given today’s market, the rhyme should be updated to say: Alice and Clarence kissing in a tree.  F-O-R-N-I-C-A-T-I-N-G.  First comes lust, then comes a baby, and if she’s lucky, he’ll marry her, maybe.  Now in no way am I saying that this a new thing that just happened in the last decade or so, but if it was happening back then, it was something that was kept hush hush.  It was not broadcast for everyone to know.  Could it be that people way back had more scruples and morals than the people of today or could it be that with today’s media that tolerance for shock is at an all time high.  So I pose to answer the question: why don’t people marry anymore.

Theory #1:

More men, especially women are more likely to become highly educated.  With the job market going the way it is now, certain positions are out of one’s reach.  To even be considered you must possess a college degree (BS/BA) just to get a foot in the door.  So definitely to become the Big Kahuna, you must have an advanced degree (MS/MA, PhD).  In this time, sure you are becoming more knowledgeable and are increasing your chances of getting a better job, but many people who take this path, that’s all they know.  They have little to no time for a social life.  And once you become comfortable, you are set in your ways.  You do not want anyone to come and mess up your groove, so in a sense you become married to your career.

 

Theory #2:

The media/pop culture does not directly dictate how to live your life, but they definitely influence it.  On talk shows everyday there are women in doubt of who their baby’s daddy is.  There are songs and videos that play on the radio and the television talking about being happy to be an unwed mother or father.  And probably the most influential are celebrities.  It is not uncommon to see celebrity couples who have a kid or two and are not married or to see a couple living together and vacationing all over the world, unmarried.  This cheapens the value of marriage and children and teens who idolize these people figure hey if so in so doesn’t want to get married then neither should I.

 

Theory #3:

When living with someone you do spend a lot of direct time with them.  So you do become comfortable with them.  Once that happens, you start to let your guard down and learn people’s pattern.  You even begin to fall into a daily routine with that person.  Those may be: paying some of the bills, buying the groceries, doing the laundry, cooking the food, etc.  If you are exchanging all the goods and services without the marriage, what is the point of getting married?  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

 

A lot has changed from the old days, but one thing that should have been kept is the value of matrimony.  Marriage culminates the highest honor in that you pledge to spend the rest of your life with that person.  That bond should not be taken lightly, however people of today just don’t value it like it once was.  Maybe we’ll see a change in the next decade or so, but I see a downward spiral for the near future.

Blog, Experience, Featured, Lifestyle

Myths About Natural Hair

If you are reading this and have decided to go natural, congratulations and welcome to the sisterhood of naturalistas.  You have decided to let go of the need to feel incomplete without chemically altering your hair.  You have the confidence to step out without bone straight hair on your head 24/7.  If you are one of the people who feels as if straight hair validates you, this is especially for you.  Since I’ve gone natural in 2007 (10 years ago), I’ve had many reactions to my decision.  Back then, it was a small wave of people doing it, but it wasn’t nowhere near the movement it is now.  I got several opinions as to why I would want to do that.  I heard, oh you won’t be able to wear it in a professional environment, it’s just not for me, only certain textures look nice natural, you won’t ever be able to straighten your hair, and you can never wear it in a formal setting.  Well I’m here to dismiss all these myths.

Myth #1: Natural Hair Is Not Professional

Here’s my question, what exactly constitutes as professional?  My definition of professional is making sure you are representing yourself and business/company in a matter that is neat and a reflection of how you want your business/company to be perceived.  Should straight hairstyles only be categorized as this?  Absolutely not.  If hair is combed and styled neatly, then it should be called professional.  There are many styles that can be worn to fit this description.  A short crop, cornrowed styles, twist outs, wash and gos, and locs are all natural styles that can be worn in the work environment.  A little while back, there was a controversy on Google where if you search unprofessional hairstyles, all these styles were shown.  Obviously, they were all African-American women which left people very upset as this being a subtle form of racism.  A friend of mine’s sister was actually pictured as one of the women on Google.  As I do the image search now, it’s still mostly African-American women featured.  People need to get in their mind that there is more than one style for professionalism.

Myth #2: It’s Just Not For Me

I hear this often as to why people prefer not to wear their hair natural.  Some even say they just don’t like natural hair.  My response to this is so hair that you were born with, that came out of your scalp is not for you?  Huh?!  I’m not saying by no means that you have to only like your natural hairstyles, but the statement of it not being for you is pretty silly.  It’s like saying my hands aren’t for me.  When you say it like that, people realize that statements like this are pretty silly.

Myth #3: Only Certain Textures Look Nice Natural

This is where the separation of “good” hair and “bad” hair comes into play.  By now, I’m sure most people are familiar with the phrase good hair.  If not, here’s a brief summary.  Good hair is considered the desirable texture/grade of hair.  It’s the hair that is not as kinky/nappy.  It’s softer, has a looser curl pattern, and is not course.  In some people’s eyes, it’s viewed as multi-ethnic or biracial hair texture.  Back to the myth now.  As a society, we share in the blame for this.  Often times, when a model is portrayed as natural, they usually have the looser curl pattern/”good” hair.  She is shown in the magazine, on the product box/label, and on the blogs/vlogs.  This may discourage many women who don’t have that texture from wanting to go natural.  However, it is certain styles that may look better on a looser curl pattern, but there are also certain styles that look better on a tighter curl pattern.  It’s all about using the proper products (different products have different results for different hairstyles) and trial and error.  As a natural girl, you are constantly learning new and different techniques to style your hair, so don’t become discouraged.

Myth #4: You Won’t Be Able to Straighten Your Hair

This is a huge myth.  The phrase natural just means your hair is not chemically altered.  There are no products physically changing the structure of your hair permanently.  So if you blow dry and flat iron it occasionally, you are still natural.  It’s no different that the press and curl you got as a little girl for school pictures.  In most cases, if your hair is properly protected, you can straighten and then wash your hair and the curl pattern should return.  If you are constantly straightening your hair, then you may train the curl pattern to lay down.  But you have to do a lot of only straightened styles to get to that point.

Myth #5: You Can Never Wear It In A Formal Setting

There are so many natural styles that can be worn for a wedding/formal affair.  There are many braided updos that can easily be accessed on social media (Pinterest, You Tube, Natural pages on Facebook, etc.).  Here are photos from my wedding.  In this day and age, anything can be found online.

I get that everyone isn’t going to want to embrace their natural hair.  However, don’t try to discourage or be ignorant to people who do decide to be natural.  There are different strokes for different folks, so let the different ones just be that.  Cause after all, if everything was the same, it would be pretty boring.

Blog, Experience

Turning 30

June 24, 2011

 

Well its 2 days before I leave my 20’s and join the big 3 Oh.  Am I nervous or anxious, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.  Going to a new decade is a little scary but I’m ready to see what’s on the other side.  My brothers have been telling me that life is really gonna begin.  I know now that I am an official adult.  But as I get ready to exit my 20’s I don’t want to repeat some of the same mistakes in my 30’s.  As
it goes, you’re supposed to be older and wiser.  I spent a good portion of my 20’s putting faith in people I should not have.  Clearly I kept on giving them chance after chance to prove themselves and they continued to disappoint me but I wanted to see the best in them.  No more of that.  I will not continue to put stock in people who frankly do not deserve it.  And I always was overly compassionate to people, when people didn’t give me the same kind of common courtesy.  I am a person who always thinks before I speak because I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings but now its like SCREW IT!!   I’m a grown ass woman.  No more walking on eggshells and tip toeing around people’s feelings.  Now this doesn’t mean that I’m just gonna start lashing out at people.  All this means is that I am gonna speak about what’s on my mind.  If I think something is b.s., I’m gonna say it is.

Another thing that I have gotten in the habit of doing is putting myself and my needs first.  It took me all of 29 years to figure it out, but hey at least I did.  Cause the old rule states look out for numero uno.  Many times I wondered about someone else’s needs over my own.  In certain situations I even was willing to overlook what I believe to accommodate that person, but no more of that.  I’m not saying its my way or the highway, but if I am strongly against something, I’m not gonna budge from it.  I need to stick to my guns because consistency is key.  I can’t say I feel one way about something and then it goes out the window the next minute.  I’m so over that now.  What best suits me first, and everything else second.

Going with the whole thing of taking care of me first, I really need to get the ball rolling on things.  While I’m saying what I want to accomplish before this age or that age time is just steady passing me by.  I have been saying that I want to make a lot of things happen for a while now but has made little progress in doing so.  And its not the fact that I’m afraid of failure.  I just haven’t sat down and actually orchestrated a plan.  I have so many ideas and thoughts that rush through my head.  I see the finish line before I see the starting gate.  Focusing on one thing at a time is going to be something that I am gonna need to do in order for me to successfully pull my ideas off.  It is absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming, however I am ready for my dreams to become a reality.

I’m tired of just having a “normal” life.  Something I realized about myself is that I am not normal.  I strive for a lot and always want to perfect any job or task I come about.  I want more out of life.  I am proud of the accomplishments that I have made but I just want more.  I will not be content going on doing what I’m doing for the next 20, 30, or 40 years.  I never want to have the “I wish I’d have done this when I was younger” speech.  I have a living breathing example of that in front of my face.  True the expression says you’re never too old to do anything until you’re dead but I feel sometimes you miss your window.   For example someone in their mid to late 30’s who always wanted to play in the NBA has missed that window.  Can they still play ball, of course.  But not at that level of professionalism.  I want to make the most of my life because when it comes down to it, you only have one life and it is short.  If its something you’ve always wanted to do, make it happen.  Stop wishing and hoping and dreaming.  Like Nike says “Just Do It”.

Turning 30 has brought out all kinds of emotions in me.  Its for the most part positive, but a little anxiety lies ahead.  I guess its because I’m at the point where I’m not a “young” adult, but just an adult.  Cause the choices and decisions I make now are going to be ones that affect me for the rest of my life.  Its not impossible to start over as you get older, but it definitely becomes more difficult.  So here’s to a new decade.  May it bring more joy and fun than my 20’s. 🙂

Blog, Experience

Adulting: How Prepared Were You?

We’ve heard it all before.  Pay attention in school, so you can get good grades.  Those good grades will turn into scholarship money for college.  You graduate and you’ll get you a good job with benefits.  You work for 40 years and retire with a good pension.  Sounds ideal, right?  Problem with this scenario is that everyone does not have a one size fits all as far as careers.  What about the people who go straight to the workforce after high school and work their way up?  What about the person who interns in college and is hired by the company after graduation?  Or the person whose father knows the CEO of the company and they are hired there?  Or the person who goes into business for themselves?  There’s also the person (this was me) who was underemployed because there was no job available after college.  There are many different scenarios that someone can find themselves in.  However, the common denominator in all of this is being able to adjust from being a child to being in the real world.  This is called adulting.

Adulting includes and is not limited to paying bills (not just a phone or credit card), prioritizing your needs, living within your means, budgeting, and just overall being responsible.  It’s a shell shock to some who go from mommy and daddy doing everything to being on your own.  But when this transition happened, how well prepared were you for adulthood?  You learn from what you are taught so your teachers and parents have a hand in that.  I’m not certain how the school curriculum is now, but when I was in school, we had no courses about everyday life.  There was nothing teaching about credit scores, balancing a checkbook, or balancing a budget.  But there was plenty of advanced math and science courses.  However, in my pre-calculus class my junior year of high school, we had a project where we paid 30 years on a mortgage.  We were given “jobs” and had real life scenarios (being laid off, getting a raise, water heater needing to be replaced, etc.) happen.  At the time, I didn’t realize how good of a project that was for my adult life.  But everything isn’t squarely placed on the teachers’ shoulders.  Parents should be reinforcing this at home.

Some things my parents did teach me about was having good benefits with your job, how to check and put all the fluids in your car, balancing a checkbook, and not spending your last dollar on anything.  I do wish I’d learned more about investing (how to grow my money and make it work for me).  I learned about mutual funds when I was good and grown.  This is knowledge I definitely wished I had growing up.  But it is better late than never.  This way you can pass the knowledge to the next generation.  I’m teaching my daughter now about saving money.  She puts her money in her bottle bank and once it accumulates, we put it in her savings account.  When she sees money, coins or bills she automatically says “bank”.  As technology advances things, it is still important to know the basics of how to navigate through life.  So if you know a young person or child, it’s never too soon to help give them the start that you may not have had.

Blog, Experience

Triple Minority

First off, yes I am a black person living in America.  I am a 35-year-old triple (black, woman, and Muslim) minority.  Now that that’s been addressed, let’s view the scrutiny I may face on a daily basis.  Many times because of my race, I’m told that opportunity was only afforded to me because I was Black (ex. affirmative action).  It doesn’t matter if you were the best or were well qualified and earned your achievement (getting into a prestigious school, getting a promotion) the assumption from many may be you received it because of your race.  This is a horrible assumption.  You are indirectly telling someone that they do not belong and are not as good as someone else.  Affirmative action was created as a means to give people who are discriminated against an opportunity.  It doesn’t mean that they don’t have the qualifications.  It’s just giving them an opened door.  But that’s the reality that someone of color (especially a Black person) faces.

As a woman, we’re taught it’s a man’s world, but if we play our cards right, we may be able to be let in the all boy’s club.  We are often indirectly taught that men are smarter than women, and for a corporation/business to successfully run, we need a man to run it.  Even though the percentage of fortune 500 women CEOs is 4%, it’s still women who are CEOs.  Some of the companies include: General Motors, Hewlett Packard, IBM, PepsiCo, Xerox, Avon, and Campbell Soup just to name a few.  This shows that not only women can work at these large companies, but they can run them and do it well.  So I salute you ladies by showing little girls everywhere that if she can do it, so can I.

Being a Muslim in this country at this moment is so challenging.  The fear of Islamophobia is so real that if you “look” or you name is “suspicious”, you are questioned or even worse.  I got my reality check a few years back.  I got married in October 2013.  Being the person I am (Type A), my husband and I applied for our passports in July of that year.  We applied the exact same day.  Everything was the same (obviously picture and names were different) on our passports.  Anyway we had to come through customs in Orlando from Jamaica (where we honeymooned).  My husband went right through with no problems.  They looked at my passport, then looked at me.  I was then asked what I was doing in Jamaica and how long I was there.  I politely told them I was on my honeymoon and was there for 4 days.  Then they asked me to step out of line and go to an office because they had to check something out.  My husband knew what the deal was so he just went to baggage claim to get our luggage.  Before I could even really sit down (maybe about 90 seconds passed), they told me I was free to go.  I guess because my record is so squeaky clean (I haven’t even been fired from a job) that was why my delay was so quick.  But still, that interaction put on sour note on my wonderful trip I just had.  I started questioning should I drop my maiden name all together, because my original plan was to hyphenate.  But once I calmed down, I stuck with my original plan.

I’m not going to let fear stop me from doing me.  So the question that lies is what can we do if we are one, two, or three of these minority groups in America?  It’s really no black or white (no pun intended) answer to this question.  When dealing with someone who does already have preconceived notions about your particular demographic group, your best bet is to just prove them wrong.  You can show someone better that you can tell them.  I know you’re probably thinking, that’s not going to work, but you never know.  All you can do is just be you.  Forget about those negative stereotypes that may exist.  A stereotype does not define you, cause at the end of the day, you have to live your life for you and do what’s best for you.  If in the process you make someone better by learning to accept someone who is different from them, then cool.  But you have to keep pushing and do not let obstacles stand in the way of you succeeding.

 

Blog, Experience, Featured

Open Letter to Little Black Girls

To my pretty black girls…….

You were born with the most beautiful amazing gift out there.  Your tanned skin and curly, kinky hair is one of the most unique features in the world.  That skin will protect you on long summer days playing with friends outside.  And the beautiful mane you possess will give you so many varieties.  You could style your hair different every day of the week if you wish.  Oh and let’s not forget about your skin aging at a slower pace due to that wondrous and glorious melanin in it.  With all these positives, seems like you would have it pretty good.  Well that’s not entirely true.

It may be times when you question our overall beauty.  I’m here to remind you that you are beautiful no matter what.  The reality is that your unique features (darker skin, fuller lips, curly/kinky hair, curvier/fuller figure) is often times celebrated on women who look nothing like you.  This is the most backhanded way to compliment a beautiful woman like you.  On people who don’t look like you, they are called exotic and sexy even, but your features are just ignored and shrugged off.  Whatever you do, embrace what you have been blessed with naturally.  Love your skin, love your hair, love those lips and hips.  Don’t conform to society’s “standards of beauty” because they tell you that is the route you need to go.  Just politely state this is me, this is who I am, and I love me.  But if society’s views have already permeated our own, then you have another task at hand.

It was a time many, many years ago when there was unity and extreme loyalty among the black community.  There was always an underlying division of what was deemed accepted (lighter skinned, finer hair) and unaccepted (darker skinned, courser hair) though.  But the distance is growing larger and larger between black men and women.  It is black men who go on the record stating they do not black women because they are not good enough for them.  Or they name a number of stereotypes that have nothing to do with being black (hair weave, baby daddy drama, attitude, etc).  Some of these guys are so far gone, that even if you point out women who break these stereotypes, they will still make up something else.  Just remember that ignorance is bliss.  They know of not what they speak and how foolish they look insulting and degrading women who look like their moms, sisters, nieces, cousins, aunts, daughters, and grandmothers.  For the ladies who create the separation and division amongst each other for stupid reasons, just STOP IT!!!!!!!!  We all play for the same team.  It is no reason to put down another sister because she looks a little different from you.  Let’s encourage and build up one another rather than tearing each other down.

Being a black girl who eventually is going to become a black woman, you are going to face many challenges.  First you must learn to accept your beauty under any circumstance.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not beautiful because you are black.  Or even worse that you are pretty for a black girl.  That is one of the rudest most ignorant comments that anyone can say.  Own your beauty.  Rock what you were blessed with.  #blackgirlmagic is not just a phrase.  The way we are able to do certain things and the traits that we do possess is just short of magic.  Second off, learn that you will face haters and ignorant people who look a lot like you.  They will try and discourage you from trying to reach your goals because they are lacking themselves.  Remember that misery loves company.

In closing I’d just like to say this is meant for all my beautiful little black girls who need to hear these encouraging words.  You can do whatever you put your mind to.  If you want to be a CEO, president of a corporation, hell even president of the United States, you can do it.  Start with setting small goals for yourself each week.  If you don’t meet them, don’t beat yourself up as to why you didn’t, but on what you can do to accomplish it.  If the same thing you’re doing over and over again isn’t working, then try something new.  But whatever you do, DON’T GIVE UP.  You will live to regret it.  This letter is for all my beautiful black girls and especially for my little one.  You make mommy do and want to be better.  And for the negative remarks, you’re completely entitled to your opinion.  But know that you are the motivation for me writing this so I can combat your negativity you are feeding to these beautiful little girls.

 

For you my Ari