Category Archives: Blog

Blog, Experience, Featured, Lifestyle

Myths About Natural Hair

If you are reading this and have decided to go natural, congratulations and welcome to the sisterhood of naturalistas.  You have decided to let go of the need to feel incomplete without chemically altering your hair.  You have the confidence to step out without bone straight hair on your head 24/7.  If you are one of the people who feels as if straight hair validates you, this is especially for you.  Since I’ve gone natural in 2007 (10 years ago), I’ve had many reactions to my decision.  Back then, it was a small wave of people doing it, but it wasn’t nowhere near the movement it is now.  I got several opinions as to why I would want to do that.  I heard, oh you won’t be able to wear it in a professional environment, it’s just not for me, only certain textures look nice natural, you won’t ever be able to straighten your hair, and you can never wear it in a formal setting.  Well I’m here to dismiss all these myths.

Myth #1: Natural Hair Is Not Professional

Here’s my question, what exactly constitutes as professional?  My definition of professional is making sure you are representing yourself and business/company in a matter that is neat and a reflection of how you want your business/company to be perceived.  Should straight hairstyles only be categorized as this?  Absolutely not.  If hair is combed and styled neatly, then it should be called professional.  There are many styles that can be worn to fit this description.  A short crop, cornrowed styles, twist outs, wash and gos, and locs are all natural styles that can be worn in the work environment.  A little while back, there was a controversy on Google where if you search unprofessional hairstyles, all these styles were shown.  Obviously, they were all African-American women which left people very upset as this being a subtle form of racism.  A friend of mine’s sister was actually pictured as one of the women on Google.  As I do the image search now, it’s still mostly African-American women featured.  People need to get in their mind that there is more than one style for professionalism.

Myth #2: It’s Just Not For Me

I hear this often as to why people prefer not to wear their hair natural.  Some even say they just don’t like natural hair.  My response to this is so hair that you were born with, that came out of your scalp is not for you?  Huh?!  I’m not saying by no means that you have to only like your natural hairstyles, but the statement of it not being for you is pretty silly.  It’s like saying my hands aren’t for me.  When you say it like that, people realize that statements like this are pretty silly.

Myth #3: Only Certain Textures Look Nice Natural

This is where the separation of “good” hair and “bad” hair comes into play.  By now, I’m sure most people are familiar with the phrase good hair.  If not, here’s a brief summary.  Good hair is considered the desirable texture/grade of hair.  It’s the hair that is not as kinky/nappy.  It’s softer, has a looser curl pattern, and is not course.  In some people’s eyes, it’s viewed as multi-ethnic or biracial hair texture.  Back to the myth now.  As a society, we share in the blame for this.  Often times, when a model is portrayed as natural, they usually have the looser curl pattern/”good” hair.  She is shown in the magazine, on the product box/label, and on the blogs/vlogs.  This may discourage many women who don’t have that texture from wanting to go natural.  However, it is certain styles that may look better on a looser curl pattern, but there are also certain styles that look better on a tighter curl pattern.  It’s all about using the proper products (different products have different results for different hairstyles) and trial and error.  As a natural girl, you are constantly learning new and different techniques to style your hair, so don’t become discouraged.

Myth #4: You Won’t Be Able to Straighten Your Hair

This is a huge myth.  The phrase natural just means your hair is not chemically altered.  There are no products physically changing the structure of your hair permanently.  So if you blow dry and flat iron it occasionally, you are still natural.  It’s no different that the press and curl you got as a little girl for school pictures.  In most cases, if your hair is properly protected, you can straighten and then wash your hair and the curl pattern should return.  If you are constantly straightening your hair, then you may train the curl pattern to lay down.  But you have to do a lot of only straightened styles to get to that point.

Myth #5: You Can Never Wear It In A Formal Setting

There are so many natural styles that can be worn for a wedding/formal affair.  There are many braided updos that can easily be accessed on social media (Pinterest, You Tube, Natural pages on Facebook, etc.).  Here are photos from my wedding.  In this day and age, anything can be found online.

I get that everyone isn’t going to want to embrace their natural hair.  However, don’t try to discourage or be ignorant to people who do decide to be natural.  There are different strokes for different folks, so let the different ones just be that.  Cause after all, if everything was the same, it would be pretty boring.

Blog, Featured, Finance

Rethinking Your Tax Return

It’s that time again.  You’ve waited a whole year and it’s finally here.  What am I talking about?  Tax season.  All last year you’ve overpaid on your taxes (you hope) and you should be getting a big fat refund back (you hope).  You already started mentally calculating what you are going to do with all your tax money.  I can buy the kids new clothes, I need to do this work on my car, I could put a down payment on a newer car, I could buy a whole new living room set, I can take a vacation to Vegas, etc.  There are many uses that you can do with the money, but in many of these scenarios, it’s just for a short fix.  How many memes do we see on Facebook where we see a person on the bus in February, new car in March, repo’d in April, and back on the bus in May?  Many people will say well it’s my money and I can spend it how I want to.  But if you are receiving several thousands of dollars and then being flat broke a few months later, it is a problem with this.  It’s because you are living in the now, you never think about your future.  At some point, you’re going to want to retire, unless you just want to have to work until you are lowered into the ground.

It starts with little things now.  Don’t wait until your 40’s, 50’s, or even 60’s to start thinking about your future/retirement plan.  The earlier you start, the better financial position you will be in later.  A phrase that I get tired of hearing people say is I’m broke.  Unless you literally don’t have anything, you are not broke, but your managing of finances may need some fine tuning.  A way to start is by ending the cycle that continues with buying a bunch of stuff that either costs you money, or loses value instantly during tax season.  If you are fortunate to receive $2000, $3000, $4000, $5000, or even $6000 during tax season, rethink the way you spend your money.  After all you worked for it and you want to get the most out of it. ******Disclaimer: I am not a trained financial professional, but I do enjoy budgeting and finances.  Seeking a professional will better be able to help gear a plan for your specific situation. *********

Here is a chart illustrating how to spend your tax return responsibly.

 

 

 

 

Formula $2000 $3000 $4000 $5000 $6000
30% invest $600 $900 $1200 $1500 $1800
20% save $400 $600 $800 $1000 $1200
30% pay debt $600 $900 $1200 $1500 $1800
15 % blow $300 $450 $600 $750 $900
5% your choice $100 $150 $200 $250 $300
Money invested over 18 years (no interest) $10800 $16200 $21600 $27000 $32400
Money saved $7200 $10800 $14400 $18000 $21600

 

A formula I have come up with (check with a professional to see what works best for you) is off the bat, half of your money shouldn’t even be touched.  30% should be invested and 20% should be saved.  I say 30% for investing because you want to be aggressive with building your retirement portfolio.  Invest now, to enjoy for later.  20% should be saved because emergencies do come up and you don’t want to have to pawn/sell something of value, or have to ask relatives/friends for money.  After all, you don’t want people all in your business especially after you flaunted all your tax money and now you’re broke.  Another 30% should be used to pay down or even off some debt.  Sometimes you have those nagging bills that you can’t seem to get rid of, but if you can pay a big amount on it, you can knock down the balance and eventually pay if off quicker.  Up until this point, you’re probably saying ‘really Na’imah, all business huh, no fun right.  You need to allow us some fun.  Yolo.’  There is some truth in all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.  Go ahead and blow 15%, and keep it to a strict 15%.  If you’re familiar with the movie Brewster’s Millions (the Richard Pryor one from the 80’s), Monty Brewster was set to inherit $300 million from his great uncle.  But to get his inheritance, he was given 10% or $30 million to play with.  The reason why is because his uncle worked hard to acquire the wealth and he didn’t want his nephew to just piss it away.  Same concept here.  I say 15% now because I adjusted for inflation.  But as the chart shows, you can still do a lot with the 15% of your tax return.  And then the last 5% comes down to you.  You can pay it forward by donating to something or just making a difference in someone’s life.  Keeping positive vibes around you is good.  Flush the negativity away.

So now I ask, why not try this way?  You’ve been doing the other way and it hasn’t been working.  You have nothing to lose and so much more to gain.  You will grow tired of material things, it’s time to invest in your future and start to build financial security.

Blog, Experience

Turning 30

June 24, 2011

 

Well its 2 days before I leave my 20’s and join the big 3 Oh.  Am I nervous or anxious, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.  Going to a new decade is a little scary but I’m ready to see what’s on the other side.  My brothers have been telling me that life is really gonna begin.  I know now that I am an official adult.  But as I get ready to exit my 20’s I don’t want to repeat some of the same mistakes in my 30’s.  As
it goes, you’re supposed to be older and wiser.  I spent a good portion of my 20’s putting faith in people I should not have.  Clearly I kept on giving them chance after chance to prove themselves and they continued to disappoint me but I wanted to see the best in them.  No more of that.  I will not continue to put stock in people who frankly do not deserve it.  And I always was overly compassionate to people, when people didn’t give me the same kind of common courtesy.  I am a person who always thinks before I speak because I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings but now its like SCREW IT!!   I’m a grown ass woman.  No more walking on eggshells and tip toeing around people’s feelings.  Now this doesn’t mean that I’m just gonna start lashing out at people.  All this means is that I am gonna speak about what’s on my mind.  If I think something is b.s., I’m gonna say it is.

Another thing that I have gotten in the habit of doing is putting myself and my needs first.  It took me all of 29 years to figure it out, but hey at least I did.  Cause the old rule states look out for numero uno.  Many times I wondered about someone else’s needs over my own.  In certain situations I even was willing to overlook what I believe to accommodate that person, but no more of that.  I’m not saying its my way or the highway, but if I am strongly against something, I’m not gonna budge from it.  I need to stick to my guns because consistency is key.  I can’t say I feel one way about something and then it goes out the window the next minute.  I’m so over that now.  What best suits me first, and everything else second.

Going with the whole thing of taking care of me first, I really need to get the ball rolling on things.  While I’m saying what I want to accomplish before this age or that age time is just steady passing me by.  I have been saying that I want to make a lot of things happen for a while now but has made little progress in doing so.  And its not the fact that I’m afraid of failure.  I just haven’t sat down and actually orchestrated a plan.  I have so many ideas and thoughts that rush through my head.  I see the finish line before I see the starting gate.  Focusing on one thing at a time is going to be something that I am gonna need to do in order for me to successfully pull my ideas off.  It is absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming, however I am ready for my dreams to become a reality.

I’m tired of just having a “normal” life.  Something I realized about myself is that I am not normal.  I strive for a lot and always want to perfect any job or task I come about.  I want more out of life.  I am proud of the accomplishments that I have made but I just want more.  I will not be content going on doing what I’m doing for the next 20, 30, or 40 years.  I never want to have the “I wish I’d have done this when I was younger” speech.  I have a living breathing example of that in front of my face.  True the expression says you’re never too old to do anything until you’re dead but I feel sometimes you miss your window.   For example someone in their mid to late 30’s who always wanted to play in the NBA has missed that window.  Can they still play ball, of course.  But not at that level of professionalism.  I want to make the most of my life because when it comes down to it, you only have one life and it is short.  If its something you’ve always wanted to do, make it happen.  Stop wishing and hoping and dreaming.  Like Nike says “Just Do It”.

Turning 30 has brought out all kinds of emotions in me.  Its for the most part positive, but a little anxiety lies ahead.  I guess its because I’m at the point where I’m not a “young” adult, but just an adult.  Cause the choices and decisions I make now are going to be ones that affect me for the rest of my life.  Its not impossible to start over as you get older, but it definitely becomes more difficult.  So here’s to a new decade.  May it bring more joy and fun than my 20’s. 🙂

Blog, Experience

Adulting: How Prepared Were You?

We’ve heard it all before.  Pay attention in school, so you can get good grades.  Those good grades will turn into scholarship money for college.  You graduate and you’ll get you a good job with benefits.  You work for 40 years and retire with a good pension.  Sounds ideal, right?  Problem with this scenario is that everyone does not have a one size fits all as far as careers.  What about the people who go straight to the workforce after high school and work their way up?  What about the person who interns in college and is hired by the company after graduation?  Or the person whose father knows the CEO of the company and they are hired there?  Or the person who goes into business for themselves?  There’s also the person (this was me) who was underemployed because there was no job available after college.  There are many different scenarios that someone can find themselves in.  However, the common denominator in all of this is being able to adjust from being a child to being in the real world.  This is called adulting.

Adulting includes and is not limited to paying bills (not just a phone or credit card), prioritizing your needs, living within your means, budgeting, and just overall being responsible.  It’s a shell shock to some who go from mommy and daddy doing everything to being on your own.  But when this transition happened, how well prepared were you for adulthood?  You learn from what you are taught so your teachers and parents have a hand in that.  I’m not certain how the school curriculum is now, but when I was in school, we had no courses about everyday life.  There was nothing teaching about credit scores, balancing a checkbook, or balancing a budget.  But there was plenty of advanced math and science courses.  However, in my pre-calculus class my junior year of high school, we had a project where we paid 30 years on a mortgage.  We were given “jobs” and had real life scenarios (being laid off, getting a raise, water heater needing to be replaced, etc.) happen.  At the time, I didn’t realize how good of a project that was for my adult life.  But everything isn’t squarely placed on the teachers’ shoulders.  Parents should be reinforcing this at home.

Some things my parents did teach me about was having good benefits with your job, how to check and put all the fluids in your car, balancing a checkbook, and not spending your last dollar on anything.  I do wish I’d learned more about investing (how to grow my money and make it work for me).  I learned about mutual funds when I was good and grown.  This is knowledge I definitely wished I had growing up.  But it is better late than never.  This way you can pass the knowledge to the next generation.  I’m teaching my daughter now about saving money.  She puts her money in her bottle bank and once it accumulates, we put it in her savings account.  When she sees money, coins or bills she automatically says “bank”.  As technology advances things, it is still important to know the basics of how to navigate through life.  So if you know a young person or child, it’s never too soon to help give them the start that you may not have had.

Blog, Featured, Lifestyle

Make Time 4 Change

As each tick of the minute hand goes, each day, then week, then month, and eventually year, you are left wondering where is all the time going.  It only seemed like you were planning your New Year’s resolution and vowing that this year is going to be your year.  But you rang in the new year, fought through the snow, and now spring is here.   Soon the leaves will bloom, summer will come and go, then fall, and you’ll be starting your new resolution, which may have been your resolution for the last 4 years.  You are in disbelief that another year is a quarter over and you haven’t made the strides that you anticipated on making.  It’s ok, because it’s easy to get wrapped up in the day to day.  You may have started a job as a stepping stone, or a means to just pay back student loans or whatever the case may be.  Blink your eyes and now you’ve been with the company 10 years.  I know this personally.

My first job ever was just a summer gig while I was home from school.  My manager liked me 🙂 so every break I had from school (winter and summer), I came back.  When I graduated, like many students, I had no job, but I was also being kicked off my dad’s insurance.  During this time, you could receive benefits until 24, but had to be a full-time student.  I graduated at 22.  I needed something with bennies (what my dad called benefits).  I went back to my summer/winter break job and time passed me by. Three years, 5 years, even 8 years went by.  I did get promoted and was eventually in a management training program where I was promoted in a management position.  I eventually left in 2013, because it just wasn’t my passion, and I was hired in a job for what I studied in school.

As I look back, it didn’t seem like that many years went by, but they did.  I came in as a 19-year-old college kid, and left out a 32-year-old woman.  I don’t regret my path, because I feel everyone does have a different path.  You can end up in the exact same spot as someone, but your way there may have been different.  I do wish I was more time conscious because I never thought it would go by that fast.  Each year I would state this is my year to do something different, but I kept putting it off.  Thinking that I would have time to get to it.  I think part of it is that it is so easy to become complacent and people have the fear of not wanting to rock the boat.  Especially when you have a comfortable lifestyle, you get by, and everything is guaranteed.  It’s easy to get caught up in that because the unknown is so scary.  The x factor.  But what if you did take a leap out and just do it.  After all, nothing ventured nothing gained, right?

The point in all of this is to give that added push/motivation that you may need to want to do something outside the box whether that be starting our own business, pursuing a career in the arts, or trading stocks.  Follow your dreams.  Orchestrate an actual plan of how you plan to fulfill your goals.  Then once that has been established, you have to commit 100%.  Be all in.  Keep punching at it every day.  Remove any negative people/situations from your life.  You don’t need that dark cloud trying to rain on your parade.  Don’t become discouraged if you don’t become an overnight success.  Rome was not built in a day, so have a little more patience.  After all, you may have given your previous job 5 or 10 years of your life, you can give your dream more than 5 minutes.  Never stop grinding.  Always be learning new ways/how to improve at your craft, cause once you’re in, now you have to ensure that you stay in.  Never, ever think it’s too late to start something.  The only time it’s too late is if you are in the ground.  So go out there and get yours.  We all have the same amount of time each day, it just depends on how you utilize it.

Blog, Finance, Lifestyle

Coupon Life

We all remember going to the grocery store with our mother as a kid.  If you acted right, you may get to throw your favorite snack in the cart.  You remember mom looking to see what was on sale that week.  Then when you get to the checkout, mom would pull out her coupon wallet.  Twenty-five cents here, fifty cents there.  She would then checkout and you would go home and think nothing of it.  You wonder why when your mom found a coupon after she purchased an item, she would be a little upset.  She would tell you don’t throw away that box with the coupon printed on the inside.  You really didn’t understand this as a kid.  Fast forward now as an adult.  The cost of living is steadily climbing (food, rent/mortgage, gas/transportation), but the wages/income is not keeping up with it.  Many people can’t even remember the last time they may have received a raise.  If your expenses are steadily climbing, and your money just isn’t, you only have two options.  The first is to try to figure out a way to generate more income.  There are many LEGITIMATE ways to earn supplemental income.  For example: rideshare driver, survey taker, mystery shopper, aerobics instructor, and event planner just to name a few.  The other way is to reduce your expenses.  This can include ditching cable/satellite television, getting a cheaper cellphone plan, bringing lunch to work, and going out less.

A way that is starting to become a phenomenon as a way to save money is couponing.  Yes the little coupon ads that mom clipped back in the day is a way to save some serious cold hard cash on everyday items that you use.  When you first look at it, you may think it’s not worth your time, but if  you pair coupons with sale items and in store discounts/coupons, you may save 50, 70, or even 100% off your order.  I’ve walked away only paying tax on certain items.  Like with anything, there are certain guidelines and myths that have to be addressed.  I’ll start with the myths.

Myth # 1: Only women coupon.  This is by far the most ridiculous, seeing that both men and women go out to work daily and earn wages.  Saving money is not something that is only restricted to women.

Myth # 2: Only middle aged suburban housewives clip coupons.  As stated before, everyone could save extra money.  $5 here, $10 there adds up over the course of a year.  College students are even couponing.

Myth # 3: You have to spend hours and hours just to coupon.  If you’ve ever seen the show Extreme Couponing on TLC, this will lead you to believe that couponing is something that becomes a full time job.  This isn’t true.  If you focus on particular items that are needed and clip for items that you actually use, you can do it fairly quickly on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.  An hour here can save you money down the line.  Now on to the guidelines.

The first thing to remember is the store’s policy on coupons.  Each store has different policies but most have similar regulations.  With most stores, the limit of identical coupons that can be accepted in a single transaction is 4.  You can purchase more in another transaction (ie spouse or children can purchase for you or you can just do it on another day).  Internet coupons can only be used if there is a certain watermark on them.  No photocopied coupons in other words.  Multiple manufacturer coupons may not be used on the same item.  Basically no double and triple couponing.  Coupon may not exceed value of item.  This is to make it so you are paying at least the taxes on an item.  If it does get all the way down, it will be to zero in most cases, and no cash will be given back, although exceptions have happened to this rule.  Now that you have basic guidelines and have debunked some myths, here are some tips to make sure your couponing trip goes off as planned.

  1. Look at ads and see what coupons can be matched up for maximum savings. Some ads even tell you which coupons are in the Sunday paper.
  2. Buy only what you need or will use. If it’s something that you are not going to use and unless it’s free, it is of no benefit to you.
  3. Make a list of all your items you plan to shop for and at which store. This will reduce your shop time making you more effective because you won’t be in the store blindly shopping.  You can get in, purchase what you need and GET OUT!!!!
  4. Guesstimate the cost of your items (allow 10% for taxes). This way you’ll know if all your discounts have been applied.  It’s more of a hassle to leave and come back versus addressing it right there and a sales associate/manager can assist you.
  5. Have your coupons organized so you won’t miss out on any savings.

Here are actually receipts from some of my coupon successes.

  1. Colgate Toothpaste free (paid taxes only)
  2. Huggies little movers for free (paid taxes only)
  3. Lotion for free (paid taxes only) and bodywash 99 cents each
  4. Crest for free (paid taxes only)
  5.  Two Pullups for $1.00 plus getting back $5.00
  6. Mouthwash 49 cents each
  7. Deodorant for free (paid taxes only)
  8. Three packs of little movers almost for free 

Hopefully this inspires your inner couponing.  So grab those Sunday papers, print out those internet coupons and get to couponing.

 

Blog, Mommy chronicles

Why Working Moms are the Real MVP

We all know how it goes.  Whether it’s for academics, sports, music, or film/television, people’s acceptance speeches for awards follow a similar format.  Usually God is thanked first.  If it is in entertainment, the fans are thanked.  Mentors may be thanked for both academics and entertainment. Spouses/partners are thanked for their love and support.  And last but not least, parents and in particular mothers are thanked.  It’s also usually a backstory of all the struggles mom went through to get you to where you are and how you are successful because of mom.  This is one of the best compliments that a child can pay a mother.  Because of you, I am this.  Some may ask, why do mothers get all these accolades?  Here’s what it breaks down to.

Before you even know you are going to be a mom, your little grain of sand sized embryo knows that you’re their mom.  They are hearing everything you say, eating everything you eat, and listening to your heartbeat.  They are becoming so attached to you, because you are the only thing they know.  As they begin to grow and develop they can let you know that they are there by kicking and wiggling around in the womb.  Finally, when a baby is born, they get to meet the person who they’ve only heard and felt, but have never seen and instantly, both mother and child fall in love.  That feeling alone brings about new responsibility and all types of other emotions you may not have even known that you have.

The biggest adjustment with becoming a parent is not being able to do anything on your time.  A simple task like running to the store for eggs no longer exists.  If it’s not great weather, you must ensure the baby is wrapped up accordingly.  Then you must secure the baby in their car seat, and make sure that’s secure before you drive off.  Then you take them out the car, place seat in shopping cart.  You get what you need, put back in car, etc.  Also you can no longer just pick up and do stuff last minute, because you want to ensure that you have a sitter.  So if your life drastically changes like this, why become a mother you may ask.  Because it gives a type of joy that you cannot describe.  The unconditional love that a child gives is the most beautiful thing on Earth.  Which is why you would do any and everything for your child.  This leads to lots of households having to operate with two incomes in order to survive.

When you’re a working mom, after you punch out after your scheduled work day, you have to go home and punch the clock for another full time job that you are not even monetarily compensated for.  This is a job where you are always on call, and have no off days per se.  Your job as a mom when you come home after a long day of work is to tend to the household as well as to the children.  In most cases, even if a working mother is bringing home at least half of the monthly income, she is still doing more than half of the household work.  Where does the mom get this super human strength from you may ask?  Even I don’t have an answer for this.  For a mother to go to work and still come home and do more work is pretty amazing to me.  But if you know you gotta do what you gotta do, then you can rise above anything and really deliver.  You find that inner strength and pull from that.

When you become a parent, you always have a vision of how you’d like to raise your children.  You want them to have better than you.  You want them to be successful and not have to have any struggles that you may have had.  That’s why you place so much pressure on yourself to make sure your children are given the best opportunity to succeed.  But sometimes in the process, you need to take a   moment for yourself as a parent.  Moms, especially working ones, shoulder a lot of the heavy lifting.  You have to nurture as well as financially provide.  Often times, you may feel it goes unnoticed.  But just know that deep down, you are appreciated.  You may not find out until an essay or a speech, but know that it is there.  But for children and spouses/partners of these women, please acknowledge them without being prompted.  So just pick a random day to show appreciation that isn’t Mother’s Day, or your mom’s birthday.  After all, working moms, you’re the real MVP.

Blog, Experience

Triple Minority

First off, yes I am a black person living in America.  I am a 35-year-old triple (black, woman, and Muslim) minority.  Now that that’s been addressed, let’s view the scrutiny I may face on a daily basis.  Many times because of my race, I’m told that opportunity was only afforded to me because I was Black (ex. affirmative action).  It doesn’t matter if you were the best or were well qualified and earned your achievement (getting into a prestigious school, getting a promotion) the assumption from many may be you received it because of your race.  This is a horrible assumption.  You are indirectly telling someone that they do not belong and are not as good as someone else.  Affirmative action was created as a means to give people who are discriminated against an opportunity.  It doesn’t mean that they don’t have the qualifications.  It’s just giving them an opened door.  But that’s the reality that someone of color (especially a Black person) faces.

As a woman, we’re taught it’s a man’s world, but if we play our cards right, we may be able to be let in the all boy’s club.  We are often indirectly taught that men are smarter than women, and for a corporation/business to successfully run, we need a man to run it.  Even though the percentage of fortune 500 women CEOs is 4%, it’s still women who are CEOs.  Some of the companies include: General Motors, Hewlett Packard, IBM, PepsiCo, Xerox, Avon, and Campbell Soup just to name a few.  This shows that not only women can work at these large companies, but they can run them and do it well.  So I salute you ladies by showing little girls everywhere that if she can do it, so can I.

Being a Muslim in this country at this moment is so challenging.  The fear of Islamophobia is so real that if you “look” or you name is “suspicious”, you are questioned or even worse.  I got my reality check a few years back.  I got married in October 2013.  Being the person I am (Type A), my husband and I applied for our passports in July of that year.  We applied the exact same day.  Everything was the same (obviously picture and names were different) on our passports.  Anyway we had to come through customs in Orlando from Jamaica (where we honeymooned).  My husband went right through with no problems.  They looked at my passport, then looked at me.  I was then asked what I was doing in Jamaica and how long I was there.  I politely told them I was on my honeymoon and was there for 4 days.  Then they asked me to step out of line and go to an office because they had to check something out.  My husband knew what the deal was so he just went to baggage claim to get our luggage.  Before I could even really sit down (maybe about 90 seconds passed), they told me I was free to go.  I guess because my record is so squeaky clean (I haven’t even been fired from a job) that was why my delay was so quick.  But still, that interaction put on sour note on my wonderful trip I just had.  I started questioning should I drop my maiden name all together, because my original plan was to hyphenate.  But once I calmed down, I stuck with my original plan.

I’m not going to let fear stop me from doing me.  So the question that lies is what can we do if we are one, two, or three of these minority groups in America?  It’s really no black or white (no pun intended) answer to this question.  When dealing with someone who does already have preconceived notions about your particular demographic group, your best bet is to just prove them wrong.  You can show someone better that you can tell them.  I know you’re probably thinking, that’s not going to work, but you never know.  All you can do is just be you.  Forget about those negative stereotypes that may exist.  A stereotype does not define you, cause at the end of the day, you have to live your life for you and do what’s best for you.  If in the process you make someone better by learning to accept someone who is different from them, then cool.  But you have to keep pushing and do not let obstacles stand in the way of you succeeding.

 

Blog, Mommy chronicles

Life After Miscarriage

I remember experiencing the first signs of pregnancy all over again.  Now that I’ve gone through it, I notice the symptoms right away.  Sensitive to smells, always tired (I was going to bed at 7/7:30 PM!!!), and having a bread and butter pickle craving (that I ate straight from the jar).  I looked at my husband telling him yeah, I’m definitely pregnant.  After being late for 4 days, I took a home test.  It turned positive right away and it estimated I was 2-3 weeks pregnant.  The same thing happened with my daughter.  I called my doctor the next morning and was able to get an appointment for that Saturday.  He confirmed and said I was 4-6 weeks.  I was nervous, anxious, and excited because now we were expanding our family.  We were having a second child.  I already started mentally re-configuring our house.  The office/extra bedroom would now be the kids’ room.  I also mentally calculated the money I could save before the baby’s arrival (early August 2017).  Since I was now a pro, I was going to do everything right this time around.  Eat nutritious foods from the jump, exercise 3 times a week, practice yoga for pregnancy, and just really take care of myself.  This went on for about a week.  Then the following Sunday, it came to a screeching halt.

I was about to go to bed and my husband noticed I had spotted on the couch.  I didn’t want to become overly concerned because sometimes that happens at the beginning.  But it did make me do a Google search on my phone.  I was trying to remain calm, but I continued to spot.  Eventually I started to bleed like a light period.  I left work early the next day and called my doctor.  I went into his office and when he checked me, he gave me news that an expectant mother does not want to hear.  He told me that my body was trying to miscarry and that I had a 60/40 chance of the baby surviving past the first trimester.  At this point, I’m trying to hold it together, but I was already preparing for the worst.  I had to get a stat ultrasound.  Nothing could really be seen.  The next day, I am placed on doing blood work every other day to see if the pregnancy hormone is still present.  I return to work trying to keep it together, but feeling like the worst was going to happen any day.

While at work on a day where we were having our end of the year holiday party, I believe I miscarried in the bathroom, right before all the festivities took place.  I was alone when it happened.  I remember feeling so upset at myself.  Wondering why me, what did I do wrong?  But we were having a party, so I went on as if everything was fine.  The next day, I had another party to attend and I still went on as if everything was fine.  Then the next day (Sunday), I guess my body was over everything, because I was very sick.  I went to the ER that night and I received the confirmation that I in fact had miscarried.  They said what I saw Friday was probably the fetus.  I went home that night extremely disappointed.  Even though my doctor had prepared me and even after seeing what I saw on Friday, you still hope and pray for a miracle to happen.  I was thinking how did this happen and why did it happen to me?  What did I do wrong?  Did I jinx myself by announcing it to more than the few that I had announced it to for my daughter?  Should I have not been trying to do the exercising until after my first trimester?  Did me stressing out about personal things take the ultimate toll on me?  These were all questions that raced through my mind.  It’s so funny how you can say the words and be a support system for someone else, but when it comes to yourself, you can’t build yourself up the same way.  I’ve been holding in my tears because I don’t want to break down and cry, but if I can’t stop them from falling, I’m just going to let them down.  And on top of all of this, we were trying to prepare our daughter who’ll be 2 in March that she’s going to be a big sister.  So, because we showed her where the baby is, she’s still saying baby and trying to gently rub my stomach.  Then an unexpected support came through.

I was scrolling through Facebook and while looking at my timeline, one of the many groups I’m in had a video pop up that had the words miscarriage.  When I read the post, it was from someone who had one years ago, and had been unable to conceive since then.  She was asking for support from other women who may have been in her same position.  The video she posted with her written words was a compilation of celebrities (Beyoncé, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Lisa Ling, Pink, Lindsey Lohan, and Giuliana Rancic) who were talking about their miscarriages.  The video was saying let’s support women and not make them feel ashamed.  It’s about normalizing miscarriages and stop making them taboo.  This is why I have written this blog.  Me not saying anything is keeping it hidden, like something you should not discuss, but talking about it humanizes it.  So let’s support out mothers and fathers to be who have experienced this.

Blog, Experience, Featured

Open Letter to Little Black Girls

To my pretty black girls…….

You were born with the most beautiful amazing gift out there.  Your tanned skin and curly, kinky hair is one of the most unique features in the world.  That skin will protect you on long summer days playing with friends outside.  And the beautiful mane you possess will give you so many varieties.  You could style your hair different every day of the week if you wish.  Oh and let’s not forget about your skin aging at a slower pace due to that wondrous and glorious melanin in it.  With all these positives, seems like you would have it pretty good.  Well that’s not entirely true.

It may be times when you question our overall beauty.  I’m here to remind you that you are beautiful no matter what.  The reality is that your unique features (darker skin, fuller lips, curly/kinky hair, curvier/fuller figure) is often times celebrated on women who look nothing like you.  This is the most backhanded way to compliment a beautiful woman like you.  On people who don’t look like you, they are called exotic and sexy even, but your features are just ignored and shrugged off.  Whatever you do, embrace what you have been blessed with naturally.  Love your skin, love your hair, love those lips and hips.  Don’t conform to society’s “standards of beauty” because they tell you that is the route you need to go.  Just politely state this is me, this is who I am, and I love me.  But if society’s views have already permeated our own, then you have another task at hand.

It was a time many, many years ago when there was unity and extreme loyalty among the black community.  There was always an underlying division of what was deemed accepted (lighter skinned, finer hair) and unaccepted (darker skinned, courser hair) though.  But the distance is growing larger and larger between black men and women.  It is black men who go on the record stating they do not black women because they are not good enough for them.  Or they name a number of stereotypes that have nothing to do with being black (hair weave, baby daddy drama, attitude, etc).  Some of these guys are so far gone, that even if you point out women who break these stereotypes, they will still make up something else.  Just remember that ignorance is bliss.  They know of not what they speak and how foolish they look insulting and degrading women who look like their moms, sisters, nieces, cousins, aunts, daughters, and grandmothers.  For the ladies who create the separation and division amongst each other for stupid reasons, just STOP IT!!!!!!!!  We all play for the same team.  It is no reason to put down another sister because she looks a little different from you.  Let’s encourage and build up one another rather than tearing each other down.

Being a black girl who eventually is going to become a black woman, you are going to face many challenges.  First you must learn to accept your beauty under any circumstance.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not beautiful because you are black.  Or even worse that you are pretty for a black girl.  That is one of the rudest most ignorant comments that anyone can say.  Own your beauty.  Rock what you were blessed with.  #blackgirlmagic is not just a phrase.  The way we are able to do certain things and the traits that we do possess is just short of magic.  Second off, learn that you will face haters and ignorant people who look a lot like you.  They will try and discourage you from trying to reach your goals because they are lacking themselves.  Remember that misery loves company.

In closing I’d just like to say this is meant for all my beautiful little black girls who need to hear these encouraging words.  You can do whatever you put your mind to.  If you want to be a CEO, president of a corporation, hell even president of the United States, you can do it.  Start with setting small goals for yourself each week.  If you don’t meet them, don’t beat yourself up as to why you didn’t, but on what you can do to accomplish it.  If the same thing you’re doing over and over again isn’t working, then try something new.  But whatever you do, DON’T GIVE UP.  You will live to regret it.  This letter is for all my beautiful black girls and especially for my little one.  You make mommy do and want to be better.  And for the negative remarks, you’re completely entitled to your opinion.  But know that you are the motivation for me writing this so I can combat your negativity you are feeding to these beautiful little girls.

 

For you my Ari