Daily Archives: March 9, 2017

Blog, Experience, Lifestyle, Mommy chronicles

Becoming Your Parents

The year was 1993.  Hearing that groovy beat come on.  Then Ice Cube’s vocals come over ‘Just waking up in the morning, gotta thank God, I don’t know, but today seems kind of odd’ (my heads know this, and can finish the rest of this song).  I clearly remember my mother stating, ‘that’s the Isley Brothers Footsteps in the Dark.  That ain’t new, he stole (her words) that.’  I really didn’t think about my new music sampling a classic hit.  I mean I kind of remember hearing my mom play that record (yes 12 inch vinyl!!) when I was a little kid.  I remember telling her, well Ice Cube was just making it his own.  He ain’t steal it.  And while I like the original, I preferred the new version to the original.  Same thing could be said of Ma$e Make Me Feel Good (sample of Kool and the Gang Hollywood Swingin) Notorious BIG Big Poppa (another Isley Brother’s sample, Between the Sheets), and Total Can’t You See (James Brown Payback), and other songs that were recorded in the 90’s but sampled from the 70’s.  I thought the “old people” were just being haters and living in the past.  I said it shows a sign of respect that new school is paying tribute and homage by sampling the old school.

Fast forward 20 years, to now.  When I heard the beat come on to Tory Lanez Say It, I thought they were playing If You Love Me, by Brownstone, until I heard a different voice.  Same thing with Zendaya and Chris Brown Something New, I thought it was TLC’s Creep.  In both situations, I was like, this ain’t Brownstone and this ain’t TLC.  Who is this?  They sampling my music now?  And then it dawned on me.  These songs were recorded over 20 years ago.  A generation by definition is 20 years.  The youngsters (oh my gosh did I really just say that?!) may or may not have been born yet.  They don’t really remember Biggie or Tupac ever being alive.  They may remember it being a big deal when they died, but not their life, kind of like me and Marvin Gaye.  So now the inevitable has occurred.  I am turning into my mom.

It’s 2017 and I listen mostly to satellite radio (The Groove, The Backspin, and Fly) which showcases music from the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and early 2000’s.  I especially love the music from my junior high years (circa 94/95) through my college years (99 taking over into the 2000’s 😉 ).When I do listen to regular radio I listen mostly to V103.  Ironically now when I listen my songs are playing.  I thought they were about to play Footsteps in the Dark (Isley Brothers), but it was Today Was a Good Day (Ice Cube?!!).  I knew then at this point, everything has come full circle.  What’s old is now new again.  Even the fashion trends are coming back (bright colored crop tops, acid washed jeans, overalls, and high top fades).  But even the fashion we rocked as new in the 90’s, my parents would say, oh we did that in high school.  Everything is recycled.  But because people are biased, everyone thinks that whatever was going on during their time of growing up is the best.  It’s also natural to think that the generation after you has it easier/better because of technological advancements.  But everything in each decade was not good.  There are highlights and lowlights, but we tend to only remember the good and not the bad.  So let’s respect each other’s generation.  Everything now isn’t ‘stolen’ and the old stuff isn’t ‘bad’.  Let’s focus on the good and enjoy it together.

Blog, Experience, Lifestyle

Matrimony Miss

Alice and Clarence sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Alice with the baby carriage.  This rhyme was often sung about a new couple back in the day.  However given today’s market, the rhyme should be updated to say: Alice and Clarence kissing in a tree.  F-O-R-N-I-C-A-T-I-N-G.  First comes lust, then comes a baby, and if she’s lucky, he’ll marry her, maybe.  Now in no way am I saying that this a new thing that just happened in the last decade or so, but if it was happening back then, it was something that was kept hush hush.  It was not broadcast for everyone to know.  Could it be that people way back had more scruples and morals than the people of today or could it be that with today’s media that tolerance for shock is at an all time high.  So I pose to answer the question: why don’t people marry anymore.

Theory #1:

More men, especially women are more likely to become highly educated.  With the job market going the way it is now, certain positions are out of one’s reach.  To even be considered you must possess a college degree (BS/BA) just to get a foot in the door.  So definitely to become the Big Kahuna, you must have an advanced degree (MS/MA, PhD).  In this time, sure you are becoming more knowledgeable and are increasing your chances of getting a better job, but many people who take this path, that’s all they know.  They have little to no time for a social life.  And once you become comfortable, you are set in your ways.  You do not want anyone to come and mess up your groove, so in a sense you become married to your career.

 

Theory #2:

The media/pop culture does not directly dictate how to live your life, but they definitely influence it.  On talk shows everyday there are women in doubt of who their baby’s daddy is.  There are songs and videos that play on the radio and the television talking about being happy to be an unwed mother or father.  And probably the most influential are celebrities.  It is not uncommon to see celebrity couples who have a kid or two and are not married or to see a couple living together and vacationing all over the world, unmarried.  This cheapens the value of marriage and children and teens who idolize these people figure hey if so in so doesn’t want to get married then neither should I.

 

Theory #3:

When living with someone you do spend a lot of direct time with them.  So you do become comfortable with them.  Once that happens, you start to let your guard down and learn people’s pattern.  You even begin to fall into a daily routine with that person.  Those may be: paying some of the bills, buying the groceries, doing the laundry, cooking the food, etc.  If you are exchanging all the goods and services without the marriage, what is the point of getting married?  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

 

A lot has changed from the old days, but one thing that should have been kept is the value of matrimony.  Marriage culminates the highest honor in that you pledge to spend the rest of your life with that person.  That bond should not be taken lightly, however people of today just don’t value it like it once was.  Maybe we’ll see a change in the next decade or so, but I see a downward spiral for the near future.

Blog, Experience, Featured, Lifestyle

Myths About Natural Hair

If you are reading this and have decided to go natural, congratulations and welcome to the sisterhood of naturalistas.  You have decided to let go of the need to feel incomplete without chemically altering your hair.  You have the confidence to step out without bone straight hair on your head 24/7.  If you are one of the people who feels as if straight hair validates you, this is especially for you.  Since I’ve gone natural in 2007 (10 years ago), I’ve had many reactions to my decision.  Back then, it was a small wave of people doing it, but it wasn’t nowhere near the movement it is now.  I got several opinions as to why I would want to do that.  I heard, oh you won’t be able to wear it in a professional environment, it’s just not for me, only certain textures look nice natural, you won’t ever be able to straighten your hair, and you can never wear it in a formal setting.  Well I’m here to dismiss all these myths.

Myth #1: Natural Hair Is Not Professional

Here’s my question, what exactly constitutes as professional?  My definition of professional is making sure you are representing yourself and business/company in a matter that is neat and a reflection of how you want your business/company to be perceived.  Should straight hairstyles only be categorized as this?  Absolutely not.  If hair is combed and styled neatly, then it should be called professional.  There are many styles that can be worn to fit this description.  A short crop, cornrowed styles, twist outs, wash and gos, and locs are all natural styles that can be worn in the work environment.  A little while back, there was a controversy on Google where if you search unprofessional hairstyles, all these styles were shown.  Obviously, they were all African-American women which left people very upset as this being a subtle form of racism.  A friend of mine’s sister was actually pictured as one of the women on Google.  As I do the image search now, it’s still mostly African-American women featured.  People need to get in their mind that there is more than one style for professionalism.

Myth #2: It’s Just Not For Me

I hear this often as to why people prefer not to wear their hair natural.  Some even say they just don’t like natural hair.  My response to this is so hair that you were born with, that came out of your scalp is not for you?  Huh?!  I’m not saying by no means that you have to only like your natural hairstyles, but the statement of it not being for you is pretty silly.  It’s like saying my hands aren’t for me.  When you say it like that, people realize that statements like this are pretty silly.

Myth #3: Only Certain Textures Look Nice Natural

This is where the separation of “good” hair and “bad” hair comes into play.  By now, I’m sure most people are familiar with the phrase good hair.  If not, here’s a brief summary.  Good hair is considered the desirable texture/grade of hair.  It’s the hair that is not as kinky/nappy.  It’s softer, has a looser curl pattern, and is not course.  In some people’s eyes, it’s viewed as multi-ethnic or biracial hair texture.  Back to the myth now.  As a society, we share in the blame for this.  Often times, when a model is portrayed as natural, they usually have the looser curl pattern/”good” hair.  She is shown in the magazine, on the product box/label, and on the blogs/vlogs.  This may discourage many women who don’t have that texture from wanting to go natural.  However, it is certain styles that may look better on a looser curl pattern, but there are also certain styles that look better on a tighter curl pattern.  It’s all about using the proper products (different products have different results for different hairstyles) and trial and error.  As a natural girl, you are constantly learning new and different techniques to style your hair, so don’t become discouraged.

Myth #4: You Won’t Be Able to Straighten Your Hair

This is a huge myth.  The phrase natural just means your hair is not chemically altered.  There are no products physically changing the structure of your hair permanently.  So if you blow dry and flat iron it occasionally, you are still natural.  It’s no different that the press and curl you got as a little girl for school pictures.  In most cases, if your hair is properly protected, you can straighten and then wash your hair and the curl pattern should return.  If you are constantly straightening your hair, then you may train the curl pattern to lay down.  But you have to do a lot of only straightened styles to get to that point.

Myth #5: You Can Never Wear It In A Formal Setting

There are so many natural styles that can be worn for a wedding/formal affair.  There are many braided updos that can easily be accessed on social media (Pinterest, You Tube, Natural pages on Facebook, etc.).  Here are photos from my wedding.  In this day and age, anything can be found online.

I get that everyone isn’t going to want to embrace their natural hair.  However, don’t try to discourage or be ignorant to people who do decide to be natural.  There are different strokes for different folks, so let the different ones just be that.  Cause after all, if everything was the same, it would be pretty boring.

Blog, Featured, Finance

Rethinking Your Tax Return

It’s that time again.  You’ve waited a whole year and it’s finally here.  What am I talking about?  Tax season.  All last year you’ve overpaid on your taxes (you hope) and you should be getting a big fat refund back (you hope).  You already started mentally calculating what you are going to do with all your tax money.  I can buy the kids new clothes, I need to do this work on my car, I could put a down payment on a newer car, I could buy a whole new living room set, I can take a vacation to Vegas, etc.  There are many uses that you can do with the money, but in many of these scenarios, it’s just for a short fix.  How many memes do we see on Facebook where we see a person on the bus in February, new car in March, repo’d in April, and back on the bus in May?  Many people will say well it’s my money and I can spend it how I want to.  But if you are receiving several thousands of dollars and then being flat broke a few months later, it is a problem with this.  It’s because you are living in the now, you never think about your future.  At some point, you’re going to want to retire, unless you just want to have to work until you are lowered into the ground.

It starts with little things now.  Don’t wait until your 40’s, 50’s, or even 60’s to start thinking about your future/retirement plan.  The earlier you start, the better financial position you will be in later.  A phrase that I get tired of hearing people say is I’m broke.  Unless you literally don’t have anything, you are not broke, but your managing of finances may need some fine tuning.  A way to start is by ending the cycle that continues with buying a bunch of stuff that either costs you money, or loses value instantly during tax season.  If you are fortunate to receive $2000, $3000, $4000, $5000, or even $6000 during tax season, rethink the way you spend your money.  After all you worked for it and you want to get the most out of it. ******Disclaimer: I am not a trained financial professional, but I do enjoy budgeting and finances.  Seeking a professional will better be able to help gear a plan for your specific situation. *********

Here is a chart illustrating how to spend your tax return responsibly.

 

 

 

 

Formula $2000 $3000 $4000 $5000 $6000
30% invest $600 $900 $1200 $1500 $1800
20% save $400 $600 $800 $1000 $1200
30% pay debt $600 $900 $1200 $1500 $1800
15 % blow $300 $450 $600 $750 $900
5% your choice $100 $150 $200 $250 $300
Money invested over 18 years (no interest) $10800 $16200 $21600 $27000 $32400
Money saved $7200 $10800 $14400 $18000 $21600

 

A formula I have come up with (check with a professional to see what works best for you) is off the bat, half of your money shouldn’t even be touched.  30% should be invested and 20% should be saved.  I say 30% for investing because you want to be aggressive with building your retirement portfolio.  Invest now, to enjoy for later.  20% should be saved because emergencies do come up and you don’t want to have to pawn/sell something of value, or have to ask relatives/friends for money.  After all, you don’t want people all in your business especially after you flaunted all your tax money and now you’re broke.  Another 30% should be used to pay down or even off some debt.  Sometimes you have those nagging bills that you can’t seem to get rid of, but if you can pay a big amount on it, you can knock down the balance and eventually pay if off quicker.  Up until this point, you’re probably saying ‘really Na’imah, all business huh, no fun right.  You need to allow us some fun.  Yolo.’  There is some truth in all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.  Go ahead and blow 15%, and keep it to a strict 15%.  If you’re familiar with the movie Brewster’s Millions (the Richard Pryor one from the 80’s), Monty Brewster was set to inherit $300 million from his great uncle.  But to get his inheritance, he was given 10% or $30 million to play with.  The reason why is because his uncle worked hard to acquire the wealth and he didn’t want his nephew to just piss it away.  Same concept here.  I say 15% now because I adjusted for inflation.  But as the chart shows, you can still do a lot with the 15% of your tax return.  And then the last 5% comes down to you.  You can pay it forward by donating to something or just making a difference in someone’s life.  Keeping positive vibes around you is good.  Flush the negativity away.

So now I ask, why not try this way?  You’ve been doing the other way and it hasn’t been working.  You have nothing to lose and so much more to gain.  You will grow tired of material things, it’s time to invest in your future and start to build financial security.

Blog, Experience

Turning 30

June 24, 2011

 

Well its 2 days before I leave my 20’s and join the big 3 Oh.  Am I nervous or anxious, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.  Going to a new decade is a little scary but I’m ready to see what’s on the other side.  My brothers have been telling me that life is really gonna begin.  I know now that I am an official adult.  But as I get ready to exit my 20’s I don’t want to repeat some of the same mistakes in my 30’s.  As
it goes, you’re supposed to be older and wiser.  I spent a good portion of my 20’s putting faith in people I should not have.  Clearly I kept on giving them chance after chance to prove themselves and they continued to disappoint me but I wanted to see the best in them.  No more of that.  I will not continue to put stock in people who frankly do not deserve it.  And I always was overly compassionate to people, when people didn’t give me the same kind of common courtesy.  I am a person who always thinks before I speak because I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings but now its like SCREW IT!!   I’m a grown ass woman.  No more walking on eggshells and tip toeing around people’s feelings.  Now this doesn’t mean that I’m just gonna start lashing out at people.  All this means is that I am gonna speak about what’s on my mind.  If I think something is b.s., I’m gonna say it is.

Another thing that I have gotten in the habit of doing is putting myself and my needs first.  It took me all of 29 years to figure it out, but hey at least I did.  Cause the old rule states look out for numero uno.  Many times I wondered about someone else’s needs over my own.  In certain situations I even was willing to overlook what I believe to accommodate that person, but no more of that.  I’m not saying its my way or the highway, but if I am strongly against something, I’m not gonna budge from it.  I need to stick to my guns because consistency is key.  I can’t say I feel one way about something and then it goes out the window the next minute.  I’m so over that now.  What best suits me first, and everything else second.

Going with the whole thing of taking care of me first, I really need to get the ball rolling on things.  While I’m saying what I want to accomplish before this age or that age time is just steady passing me by.  I have been saying that I want to make a lot of things happen for a while now but has made little progress in doing so.  And its not the fact that I’m afraid of failure.  I just haven’t sat down and actually orchestrated a plan.  I have so many ideas and thoughts that rush through my head.  I see the finish line before I see the starting gate.  Focusing on one thing at a time is going to be something that I am gonna need to do in order for me to successfully pull my ideas off.  It is absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming, however I am ready for my dreams to become a reality.

I’m tired of just having a “normal” life.  Something I realized about myself is that I am not normal.  I strive for a lot and always want to perfect any job or task I come about.  I want more out of life.  I am proud of the accomplishments that I have made but I just want more.  I will not be content going on doing what I’m doing for the next 20, 30, or 40 years.  I never want to have the “I wish I’d have done this when I was younger” speech.  I have a living breathing example of that in front of my face.  True the expression says you’re never too old to do anything until you’re dead but I feel sometimes you miss your window.   For example someone in their mid to late 30’s who always wanted to play in the NBA has missed that window.  Can they still play ball, of course.  But not at that level of professionalism.  I want to make the most of my life because when it comes down to it, you only have one life and it is short.  If its something you’ve always wanted to do, make it happen.  Stop wishing and hoping and dreaming.  Like Nike says “Just Do It”.

Turning 30 has brought out all kinds of emotions in me.  Its for the most part positive, but a little anxiety lies ahead.  I guess its because I’m at the point where I’m not a “young” adult, but just an adult.  Cause the choices and decisions I make now are going to be ones that affect me for the rest of my life.  Its not impossible to start over as you get older, but it definitely becomes more difficult.  So here’s to a new decade.  May it bring more joy and fun than my 20’s. 🙂

Blog, Experience

Adulting: How Prepared Were You?

We’ve heard it all before.  Pay attention in school, so you can get good grades.  Those good grades will turn into scholarship money for college.  You graduate and you’ll get you a good job with benefits.  You work for 40 years and retire with a good pension.  Sounds ideal, right?  Problem with this scenario is that everyone does not have a one size fits all as far as careers.  What about the people who go straight to the workforce after high school and work their way up?  What about the person who interns in college and is hired by the company after graduation?  Or the person whose father knows the CEO of the company and they are hired there?  Or the person who goes into business for themselves?  There’s also the person (this was me) who was underemployed because there was no job available after college.  There are many different scenarios that someone can find themselves in.  However, the common denominator in all of this is being able to adjust from being a child to being in the real world.  This is called adulting.

Adulting includes and is not limited to paying bills (not just a phone or credit card), prioritizing your needs, living within your means, budgeting, and just overall being responsible.  It’s a shell shock to some who go from mommy and daddy doing everything to being on your own.  But when this transition happened, how well prepared were you for adulthood?  You learn from what you are taught so your teachers and parents have a hand in that.  I’m not certain how the school curriculum is now, but when I was in school, we had no courses about everyday life.  There was nothing teaching about credit scores, balancing a checkbook, or balancing a budget.  But there was plenty of advanced math and science courses.  However, in my pre-calculus class my junior year of high school, we had a project where we paid 30 years on a mortgage.  We were given “jobs” and had real life scenarios (being laid off, getting a raise, water heater needing to be replaced, etc.) happen.  At the time, I didn’t realize how good of a project that was for my adult life.  But everything isn’t squarely placed on the teachers’ shoulders.  Parents should be reinforcing this at home.

Some things my parents did teach me about was having good benefits with your job, how to check and put all the fluids in your car, balancing a checkbook, and not spending your last dollar on anything.  I do wish I’d learned more about investing (how to grow my money and make it work for me).  I learned about mutual funds when I was good and grown.  This is knowledge I definitely wished I had growing up.  But it is better late than never.  This way you can pass the knowledge to the next generation.  I’m teaching my daughter now about saving money.  She puts her money in her bottle bank and once it accumulates, we put it in her savings account.  When she sees money, coins or bills she automatically says “bank”.  As technology advances things, it is still important to know the basics of how to navigate through life.  So if you know a young person or child, it’s never too soon to help give them the start that you may not have had.